A CHILD has been told the only cure for her hamster's illness is to surgically remove it and replace it with a healthy one.
CIGARETTES only damage your health if you paid for them, it has been confirmed.
SOMEONE on Facebook has been for a big run while you were lying in bed, it has been confirmed.
A HANGOVER which began early on Saturday morning is showing no signs of going anywhere late into Sunday.
THE North’s sexually transmitted diseases can beat any antibiotic on the market without putting their pints down, doctors have confirmed.
MUMMIES are very thirsty for their special Ribena in the afternoon, children have confirmed.
MILLIONS of otherwise rational women are trying to use toilets without touching them.
A 43-YEAR-OLD woman has discovered that her stomach has become the standard image that illustrates news articles about obesity.