Health

Maybe fill-in the 'black death pit', says everyone

IT might be an idea to fill-in a big hole full of black death victims as quickly as possible, it has been suggested.

Shit-faced Theresa May in minimum price revolt

DAVID Cameron has ditched plans for minimum alcohol pricing after a revolt by the Cabinet's problem drinkers.

I am the greatest thing of all time, says bacon

BACON has asserted that it is the greatest and all other food is its bitch.

UK health record paves way for new round of bothering you

THE UK's health record will lead to a new era in being bothered constantly.

Both ends, says Queen

IT is literally exploding out of both ends, Buckingham Palace has announced.

Febreze ads trigger hepatitis epidemic

ADVERTS for Febreze 'fabric refresher' have caused numerous cases of hepatitis.

Everything to be labelled with terrifying images of death

ALL products will soon feature graphic imagery illustrating how they might kill you.

Fat people should be 'encouraged' to hate themselves, say doctors

DOCTORS have called for a new approach to obesity which gently encourages overweight people to despise the very idea of themselves.