Parents To Be Sent Drawing Of Fat Child

PARENTS of fat children are to be sent sketches of their overweight kids after the government banned schools from describing them as obese.

From the Secretary of State for Health

The drawings will be handed to parents by a health visitor who will then silently mouth 'shit your kid is enormous' and pretend to be sick on their shoes.

School nurse Nikki Hollis said: "I'm not allowed to describe a child using medical terminology but I am allowed to illustrate their condition with a sketch.

"I've drawn a little gallows with F _ T B_ _ T_ _ D underneath, and a picture of a donut and an equals sign next to a grave with the kid's name on it."

She added: "Research shows parents of the fat believe their child is a healthy weight. So how come they run for their lives when it tries to sit on them?"

A health department spokesman said: "The biggest problem facing our country is large children who can't run and are starting to smell a bit funky.

"We have committed more than £500 million to pointing this out and developing a series of replacements for the word 'fat'."

He added: "My current favourites are 'globulous' and 'beeftastic'."