Recession not stopping Britain from stuffing its fat face

RECESSION, austerity and reduced spending power have not stopped Britain from ramming calories into the front of its head, scientists have confirmed.

US-style fridges can also be used as coffins

New research has found that Britain is now so thunderously huge that treating diabetes will soon cost £17bn a year that we absolutely do not have.

But, with the economy entering a double dip recession, fat, squeezed consumers say they are having to make increasing sacrifices so they can buy Rolos and cheese and Pringles and beefburgers and cheese and Fanta and Rolos and cheese.

Tom Logan, from Hatfield, said: “I could lose my house, which would be really bad because that’s where I keep my fridge.”

Martin Bishop, chief economist at Madeley-Finnegan, said: “As well as being bad for you, food also has a very slim profit margin, so instead of turning yourself into a heaving, insulin-deficient mess, buy something from Currys with an outrageous mark-up.

“The NHS isn’t going to hospitalise you because you think buying a 3D television is a really good idea. They should, but they won’t.”

Logan added: “I know that if I stopped eating so much I would have more money and I’d be healthier so the NHS would cost less and taxes would be lower and I’d have more money.

“But I’ve bought all this cheese.”