Smokers More Likely To Be Eaten By Dragons
SMOKERS are nearly five times more likely to be eaten by dragons than non-smokers, a new study suggests.
The results are the latest blow to tobacco after a series of recent studies which showed smokers faced a higher risk of being hit by a comet, falling into a hole and being mobbed by bees.
Professor Henry Brubaker, research director at the Institute for Studies, said the causal link was as yet unclear, but suggested it was probably to do with flavour.
He said: “Just a few years of smoking 20 a day can add real depth, giving them that oaky richness that dragons find so morish.”
In tests, dragons tended to ignore non-smokers or nibble on them half-heartedly, rarely managing to finish a whole one. However, smokers were consumed so quickly and in such numbers that they could have been chicken goujons.
Professor Brubaker added: “Some dragons can become addicted to very heavy smokers. If that happens we usually advise them to chew on a social smoker or strap one to their arm.”
Lifelong smoker Bob Andrews, 57, said he was quite worried about dragons, but it was the increased risk of falling into a hole that would finally make him quit.
He said: “In the old days all you had to worry about was lung cancer and heart attacks, but all these studies about holes and dragons have finally made me realise smoking is wrong. Thank goodness they spent all that money.”