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ULSTER POLICE DEAFENED BY CATHOLIC SCREAMS |
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23-10-07 |
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YEARS of listening to the ear-splitting crack of Catholic skulls has left hundreds of RUC officers with hearing difficulties, it was claimed last night.
 They just want to be able to listen to their favourite Dr Paisley CDs in the car The former policemen are demanding more than £60 million in compensation for what they say was a preventable injury while subduing the minions of Rome. Denys Hatton, the officers' solicitor, said: "In 2007 you would not dream of sending men into battle against the forces of Popery and idolatry without a decent pair of ear muffs. "Many of these men had to endure two decades of noisy plastic bullets, republican megaphones and wave after wave of pathetic, screeching bog-trotters shouting, 'please stop hitting me'." Last year a group of ex-RUC officers was awarded an out-of-court settlement for cartilage injuries caused by repeatedly ramming their kneecaps into hundreds of pairs of Nationalist testicles. Mr Hatton said: "No-one wants to go for a jog or a swim and have everyone staring at the tell-tale Fenian gonad imprints on your thighs. "The British government has a duty to compensate these brave men," he added. "They followed their orders and only a very small majority would have done it for nothing anyway."
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