Weight-Loss Water Firm Told To Remove Ebola Virus

A FIRM which claims its bottled water can help with weight loss has been told to stop filling it with the ebola virus.

The friendly bacteria helping you to achieve catastrophic weight loss

The makers of Slimmy Water claim drinkers can shed up to six stone in one week by filling their bodies with 'friendly bacteria'.

But scientists say the special slimming ingredient is nothing more than a particularly vicious strain of the deadly gastro-intestinal bug.

Dr Tom Logan, of Durham University, said: "It is a great way to fit into your favourite party dress, as long as you don't mind violently shitting yourself the entire time you're at the party."

Slimmy Water is bottled in the back streets of Kinshasa amid open sewers and piles of freshly deposited animal faeces.

The one litre bottles are then left in the sun for a month before being shipped to the UK and sold for 99p.

The promotional material for Slimmy Water states: "Drink one bottle a day for a week and watch the pounds literally fall out of you!

"If you've not lost at least half your body weight within seven days, you'll get your money back and a free bottle."

It adds: "Once you start to notice the effects of Slimmy Water – and believe us, you will – it is vitally important that you eat nothing but dry toast and avoid dehydration, so drink lots of water – but for Christ's sake not this stuff!"