Your vagina is not a kitchen, women told


WOMEN who want to redesign their vagina were last night reminded that it is not actually a kitchen.

Painted vaginas are nice, but will show up the dirt

Experts say women have to accept that not everything can be stripped out and replaced with chunky, waxed pine and a Belfast sink.

Dr Julian Cook, a gynaecologist from Cambridge, said: “The vagina is, essentially, a part of the female reproductive system, rather than a bright yellow MFI catastrophe from the mid-70s.

“Unfortunately a lot of women want the lovely farmhouse vaginas they see in the Sunday Times magazine and before you know it there’s a couple of dodgy plumbers up there.

“You end up spending thousands of pounds on a vagina that’s filled with fancy accessories, when all you really need is a place to keep your yoghurt.

“So unless you’re planning on showing it to your dinner guests, I’d leave it as it is.”

But Tom Logan, head of vaginas at Ikea, said: “A fully fitted, oak fronted vagina has never been more affordable.

“Built-in wine racks look great if you have the space, and we can even install a special bracket for your hoover.”

Kevin McLoud, presenter of Channel Four’s Grand Vaginas, added: “Use the best materials you can afford. A cheap vagina will stick out like a sore thumb.”


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