Belgium Faked Humanitarian Crisis To Meet Angelina Jolie

THE people of Belgium faked the destruction of their country in a bid to meet Angelina Jolie, it has emerged.

There's asteroid bits all over the place, so wear something that accentuates your nipples

In a government-orchestrated effort to lure the Mr and Mrs Smith star, Belgians jammed the UN switchboard with frantic phone calls claiming they were experiencing a humanitarian crisis resulting from a combined earthquake, volcano eruption and asteroid strike, with a touch of civil war.

Angelina Jolie is a national obsession in Belgium, alongside waffles and vaguely menacing medieval-style processions.

One anonymous caller said: “It’s quite hot here at the moment what with the volcano so probably best if she doesn’t wear too many clothes. Her Tomb Raider get up would be ideal.

“Failing that just something light and summery that complements her skin tone.”

Another said: “No waffles left. Eating children. Send Angie. In her pants.”

However the UN Goodwill Ambassador was too busy filming Wanted II: Very Fast Cars and People’s Heads Exploding to respond to the pretend emergency.

Meanwhile a UN spokesman has strongly dissuaded other nations from deliberately trying to attract Ms Jolie.

He said: “The Portuguese actually blew up Lisbon and then flooded what was left. We knew they’d done it on purpose so, no Angelina. Now they feel really stupid.”

Belgian Prime Minister, Yves Leterme, said: “We couldn’t help ourselves. She is like Mother Theresa as imagined by the writers of American Pie.”