Bob Marley 'Not Killed By Wizards', Admit Jamaican Police

12-06-07

POLICE in Jamaica have closed their 26-year investigation into the death of Bob Marley and admitted the reggae superstar was not murdered by wizards.

Tensions ran high between Marley and the wizards

Detectives had pursued a series of clues which they believed would lead to an international cartel of wicked sorcerers.

But after a quarter century of intrigue and conspiracy they were forced to conclude yesterday that Marley died of complications caused by a malignant melanoma.

"To be fair, the original autopsy reports showed that Marley had been turned into a newt two weeks before he died," said Jamaican police commissioner Lucius Thomas.

"There were also signs of dragon-based injuries and traces of evil wizard potion in his bloodstream which forced us to conclude that sorcery was afoot."

But Marley conspiracy theorists dismissed the latest development.

Wayne Hayes, publisher of themagicmelanoma.com, said: "I've lost count of the number of witnesses who were supposed to have died in car crashes, despite the fact they were covered in dragon bites."

Wizards in Jamaica, Barbados and the Dominican Republic have been under a cloud since the investigation began.

Gondar the Destroyer, spokesman for the International Board of Wizardy, said: "The last 26 years have seen an unprecedented level of prejudice directed at practitioners of the dark methods. I suppose you could call it a witch-hunt."

In other news:
Sonny Corleone died of natural causes, says New York police chief
Abraham Lincoln killed by massive sneeze, US archives reveal

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