Fury As Americans Find Gay Kiss Oddly Arousing
A TELEVISED gay kiss has caused outrage across America after thousands of red-blooded men discovered the beginnings of a semi.
MTV was flooded with complaints after singer Adam Lambert kissed a male dancer, simulated oral sex and generally pranced around in a manner that experts described as not only a perversion of nature but also new and exciting.
Joseph Turner, a mechanic and automatic weapon enthusiastic from Illinois, said: "Honest American men should be able to watch TV with their families without some nancy-ass fairy boys making them want to go to the toilet for 20 minutes.
"It was so disgusting that afterwards I went out into my workshop and angrily banged nails into big bits of wood while tears streamed down my face as I thought about my old army buddy, Chet, and his long, cow-like eyelashes."
He added: "I remembered how the early evening sun used to reflect in Chet's deep brown eyes, almost as if it were not really sunlight but the inner glow of his soul. These goddam faggots make me want to puke."
Over 1500 heterosexual American men called MTV to complain about the performance, at least 250 of which had mutilated their own genitals in some way before picking up the phone.
Christian truck driver, Roy 'Hickory Stick' Hobbs, said: "It was the most disgusting piece of faggot filth I ever saw, even worse than Frisky Summer 3, Powertool or Velvet Biker."
He added: "Although it weren't quite as disgusting as 20 Load Weekend or the notorious Honourable Discharge, starring the gorgeous Brad Erickson."