Google Urged To Help Victims Of U2 Concert

GOOGLE has been urged to provide emergency aid for all those caught up in Sunday night's live U2 webcast from California.

Bono has been going to the toilet in front of strangers since 1979

The internet search giant screened the concert via YouTube despite warnings from campaign groups that millions of people could end up puking everywhere.

Janet Baker, from internet safety group WebWise, said: "People who buy tickets to see U2 live do so of their own depressingly moronic volition.

"We are simply trying to prevent innocent children who just want to watch videos of tarantulas eating live mice being accidentally exposed to a few seconds of Bono."

She added: "Their fear and confusion will soon give way to anger and eventually nausea when they discover that this insanely annoying Irishman who is telling them to fight poverty is one of the great tax avoiders of the early 21st century."

Tom Logan, a father of two from York, said: "I was watching a clip of two women passionately kissing while dripping maple syrup onto each other's hot young bodies. Of course they both had their bikinis on because YouTube isn't allowed to show pornography.  

"But suddenly this U2 pop-up appeared without any warning. It showed Bono crouching down and singing a song about love and hate in a way that made me assume he was having a shit."

He added: "I do not want my children growing up in a world full of Irish poet-messiahs going to the toilet in front of thousands of screaming perverts."

According to experts, accidental U2 exposure symptoms include the wholly unnecessary purchase of fair trade products and attempting to improve dinner parties by playing Enya's Watermark over and over again.