Iran nuclear tour conducted by Willy Wonka

05-01-11

INTERNATIONAL diplomats have been given a tour of Iran’s nuclear facilities after finding a golden ticket inside a Lion Bar.

'Death to America'

Magical chocolate maker Willy Wonka welcomed eight high-ranking officials from around the world to inspect Iran’s uranium ore conversion site and sample a new minty caramel chew.

The site at Isfahan turns raw uranium into gas, which is then fed into enriching centrifuges and can be used to create fuel, fissile warhead material or Everlasting Gobstoppers.   

No US representatives joined the tour, with a US State Department spokesman stressing: “It’s a very clever ploy by Wonka and the Iranians. They know you can’t get Lion Bars over here.”

It remains unclear whether the site is set-up to produce weapons-grade material or just novelty sweets.

Sir Simon Gass, UK Ambassador to Iran, said: “I’ve no idea. I spent most of the time licking the flavoured wallpaper. It’s amazing, the Snozberries really taste like Snozberries. Also, I’m not a nuclear scientist.

“Then again they are developing some pretty nasty confectionery. I tried some fudge that I imagine tastes the same as Katie Price’s.”

Wonka said: “I don’t know if we can enrich uranium to the right level and you should never doubt what no one is sure about.

“All I want is for Russia, China and some other key world powers to be safe from the Hornswogglers, Vermicious Knids and of course the Yankydoodles.

“Allahu Akbar.”  

 

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