Iran’s nuclear facilities inspected by Alex James

BLUR’S Alex James has delivered a glowing report of Iran’s Parchin military complex after becoming the only inspector allowed onto the site.

'Then there's the massive centrifuge, which you really don't want to fall into!'

Musician and dairy farmer James, who was personally invited by President Ahmadinejad to see how Iran makes its weapons, emerged from his visit with overwhelmingly positive impressions of the controversial base.

He said: “Everyone at Parchin works very hard and is passionate about what they do – just like I am about cheese.

“I met a man called Omar who told me he just wants to ‘incinerate the Zionist pig-dog’.

“As a breeder of pedigree livestock I can fully understand why he doesn’t want pigs and dogs mixing, it would play havoc with the bloodlines. Good for him.”

The Britpop hero added: “It’s clear that the Iranians really care about their staff. They even have an ‘enrichment area’ where, presumably, they can do enriching things like reading books, painting and playing musical instruments.

“The machinery itself is big, shiny and noisy – real Willy Wonka stuff, if Mr Wonka was hell-bent on destroying Israel.”

A UN spokesman said: “President Ahmadinejad is a fan of James’s journalism, the song Country House which he believes mocks the decadent elite, and 90s UK indie rock in general.

“Despite our reservations, we feel this visit represents a step forward and have asked if a secret laboratory underneath the ancient city of Qom can be inspected by Teenage Fanclub.”