The Daily Mash - MOUNTIES VOW TO CAPTURE EVERY LAST BEE

MOUNTIES VOW TO CAPTURE EVERY LAST BEE

02-07-08

THE Canadian Mounted Police has vowed to capture every one of the 12 million bees that escaped from an overturned truck earlier this week.

Man v Bee

The Mounties said the bees will have already split up into smaller groups of around one and a half million and may attempt to blend into Canadian society, perhaps getting a part-time job in a small town.

Captain Tom Logan said: "We always get our man. And our bee. This is very much man against bee."

The Mounties have brought in Sergeant Bill McKay, Canada's greatest living wasp tracker who once tracked a single wasp through the Rockies for more than six years.

McKay said: "If you can track a wasp, you can track a bee.

"I'll travel by night, stick to the backwood trails, eat nothing but pollen, and within a week I'll be thinking like a bee."

Meanwhile the Mounties believe the bees may attempt to track down the driver of the truck and assault him.

Captain Logan said: "The last thing we want is the truck driver being woken in the middle of the night by a knock on his door, only to be punched in the face by 12 million bees who have formed themselves into the shape of a giant fist."

The mass bee escape has placed extra pressure on the force, already coping with the aftermath of the British Columbia foot deluge.

Captain Logan added: "One day it's feet, the next day it's bees. With our luck the next thing will be a deluge of bees' feet. What the hell's wrong with this country?"