Ordinary Europeans Denied Chance To Hate Tony Blair
MILLIONS of ordinary Europeans look set to lose their chance of getting steadily sick of Tony Blair until they despise him with every fibre of their being.
France and Germany last night refused to back the former prime minster as Europe's first president, insisting the EU was a large and complex political union and not an excuse for some jumped-up actor to have his own plane.
The job now looks likely to go to a lower profile candidate despite Gordon Brown attempting to secure the job for Mr Blair in a twisted, malevolent bid to inflict his former colleague on the EU before he is chased out of Downing Street next spring.
Friends of Mr Blair say he may now be forced to look for a new continent to lie to every time he opens his mouth, with some suggesting Africa may still be susceptible to his clapped-out brand of greasy bullshit.
Tom Logan, professor of international politics at Reading University, said: "Some Africans still seem to think Tony Blair might actually be Jesus rather than a millionaire consultant to various multi-national corporations that want to bribe their army and steal their land."
Jan Vankerken, a sales executive from Antwerp said he was disappointed, adding: "I really wanted to be vaguely optimistic about him to start with before quickly seeing through the shiny veneer and then developing the kind of nausea and self-loathing one might feel after having dirty sex with a merchant banker.
"I then wanted to experience the month upon month of sickening, transparent lies while European newspapers were bullied into submission by some oleaginous mortgage fraudster and a bag-piping psychopath.
"And then I wanted him to try and frighten me into supporting a war that was obviously for the benefit of American corporations while I resigned myself to the fact there was nothing I could do about it because they had all been planning it for years.
"And I also really wanted the chance to hate his ghastly wife from day one."