CATHOLIC church officials have denied that Pope John Paul II would have done anything normal and healthy like fancying a woman.
THE Syrian ceasefire means refugees have no reason not to go back to the blasted ruins of their homes, say European leaders.
GREECE’S left-wing leader has said he would never unleash the Kraken and called for the monster to be phased out.
THE Pope has officially proclaimed that God did not intend anyone to eat savoury pancakes.
DAVID Cameron has negotiated a deal allowing Britain to keep any leftover sandwiches from EU meetings, he has announced.
DONALD Trump has lost in the Iowa primary to Ted Cruz, a man who does not just say vile things about immigrants but sincerely believes them.
THE SAS has mounted a daring helicopter raid to rescue a British couple stranded in a horrifically modern French town.
CARTOON racing driver Dick Dastardly has overtaken Donald Trump in polls for the Republican presidential nomination.