International

If you're being a tax haven we only really want London, say investors

INTERNATIONAL investors have demanded that when Britain becomes a tax haven it must slim down to just London.

Gove hoping for 'bumbling idiot butler' role in Trump household

MICHAEL Gove is hoping Donald Trump will hire him as his 'bumbling British butler' when he becomes president, it has emerged.

Flame-throwing mutant guitarist from Mad Max turns down Trump inauguration

THE mutant guitarist from Mad Max: Fury Road has become the latest musician to reject an offer to perform at Donald Trump’s inauguration.

Trump threatens Iran and promotes Budweiser in single tweet

DONALD Trump has used his Twitter account to threaten a nuclear first strike on Iran and to promote the rich, smooth taste of Bud Ice.

Trump eases world's nerves with rambling and demented speech

DONALD Trump has eased the world's nerves with a waffling speech like a man who'd just been hit with a spanner.

Come back when he shags a dead pig, says jaded Britain

SEX claims against Donald Trump are ‘lightweight’ and do not even involve a farm animal, according to Britons.

Trump replaces son-in-law with son

PRESIDENT-ELECT Trump has placated critics by replacing son-in-law Jared Kushner as senior adviser with his 10-year-old son, Barron Trump.

Vegas trip now compulsory for tossers

A WEEK in Vegas has become a rite of passage for tosser blokes, it has emerged.