International

Falklands penguins bide their time

THE penguins of the Falkland Islands last night continued to play the 'long game'.

Guardian readers pay tribute to man who would have banned the Guardian

GUARDIAN readers were today in mourning for a man who would have banned the Guardian if it was in Venezuela.

Church ready for hot Pope

A 24-YEAR-OLD swimwear model called Cassius has emerged as favourite for the Papacy.

Space couple to have massive row when they miss the turning for Mars

THE MARRIED couple sent to Mars will have a falling-out when they miss the planetary turn-off, it has been claimed.

Stalemate over Italian 'government'

ITALY faces a stalemate over forming what it reckons is a 'government'.

Pope farewell gig ends in riot

CATHOLICS trashed the centre of Rome yesterday as the Pope performed his farewell gig to 50,000 screaming fans.

American rave culture to be worst thing that has ever happened

RAVE culture 'breaking' America may be the worst occurrence in human history, it has been claimed.

Papal selection process based on Street Fighter II

CARDINALS will use martial arts and arcade-style special moves in their battle to become Pope, it has emerged.