International

UK officially assigned ‘clown country’ status

THE IMF has changed Britain’s status to ‘clown country’, giving us the same international standing as a backfiring toy car driven by a dog in a fireman's helmet.

Last pro-Brexit politician leaves Britain

THE last politician who supported Britain leaving the EU has left Britain, it was confirmed today.

EU ‘massively impressed’ by the way Britain’s handling this

THE European Union has praised Britain for the calm, efficient way it has dealt with the aftermath of the referendum.

Entire British Empire restored

EVERY country in the former British Empire has demanded Britain resume full political control now it has proven it is great again.

It’s been real, says Scotland

SCOTLAND has thanked the rest of the UK for the good times on its way out.

Bjork going to f**k Ronaldo up

ICELANDIC singer Bjork is flying to France to kick Cristiano Ronaldo’s arse, police have confirmed.

Trump unites shocked world in contempt for him

PEOPLE of different races, creeds and sexual orientations all think Donald Trump is a f**ker, it has emerged.

Slightly insane woman to compete with completely insane man

THE next president of America will be either partially or completely insane, it has been confirmed.