Russia turns down Crimea

CRIMEA'S application to join the Russian Federation has been refused because it is 'cold and boring'.

Crimeans hoping Putin okay with 97 per cent

THE people of Crimea are hoping Vladimir Putin is happy with their overwhelming love for Russia.

Irish banned from St Patrick's Day

THE Irish have been barred from St Patrick's Day celebrations worldwide because they get carried away and ruin it.

Bitcoin founder not a real wizard

THE creator of Bitcoin has been revealed as a mere mortal who cannot dispense hearts, brains or courage.

Nationalism continues to make everything brilliant

NATIONALISM continues to be the best way of making everything better, it has been confirmed.

US and Europe on brink of passive-aggressive letter to Putin

THE United States and Europe have warned Vladimir Putin to watch his post box for a passive-aggressive bombshell.

Call of Duty coming true

CALL of Duty: Modern Warfare, which involves Russian ultranationalists sparking a civil war, is happening on the world stage.

Now may not be the best time to call Putin ‘gay’

PEOPLE who accuse Vladimir Putin of being a latent homosexual may want to back off for a bit, experts have confirmed.