CRIMEA'S application to join the Russian Federation has been refused because it is 'cold and boring'.
THE people of Crimea are hoping Vladimir Putin is happy with their overwhelming love for Russia.
THE Irish have been barred from St Patrick's Day celebrations worldwide because they get carried away and ruin it.
THE creator of Bitcoin has been revealed as a mere mortal who cannot dispense hearts, brains or courage.
NATIONALISM continues to be the best way of making everything better, it has been confirmed.
THE United States and Europe have warned Vladimir Putin to watch his post box for a passive-aggressive bombshell.
CALL of Duty: Modern Warfare, which involves Russian ultranationalists sparking a civil war, is happening on the world stage.
PEOPLE who accuse Vladimir Putin of being a latent homosexual may want to back off for a bit, experts have confirmed.
- Gay Winter Olympics still going on in Putin's head
- Scaremongering about Ukrainian immigrants to begin on Wednesday
- Winter Olympics degenerates into Razzle magazine photoshoot
- Scotland joining Eurovision would be ‘very difficult for everyone’
- Sports Illustrated models 'honoured' to be masturbatory fodder