Young Conservatives planning something horrible

YOUNG Conservatives are planning to mark the death of Nelson Mandela with something vile.

Ecuador to breed endangered nerds

ECUADOR last night took a major step forward in its plan to breed pasty-faced nerds in captivity.

Turkish protestors threaten to deploy drunk Britons

PROTESTORS in Turkey have threatened to utilise drunk Britons against government forces.

NSA admits it created internet so it could spy on it

THE US National Security Agency has revealed it created the internet after realising it would make spying a much easier job.

Mandela and Prince Philip exchange sarcastic 'get well soon' cards

NELSON Mandela and Prince Philip have sent each other 'get well' messages dripping with poisonous sarcasm.