International

Britain pins gold medal hopes on relaunch of empire

SEBASTIAN Coe has urged the government to start annexing small defenceless countries to boost Team GB’s medal hopes.

North Korea laughs off wrong flag gaffe

NORTH Korea has laughed off the mix-up which saw the South Korean flag accompany their women’s football team’s arrival at Glasgow’s Hampden Stadium.

UK to intervene on both sides of Syria conflict

BRITAIN is to simultaneously help both sides in Syria's bloody civil war, it has emerged.

China sending 450 million women into space

THE People's Republic of China has announced plans for its entire female population to become astronauts.

Putin's Olympics tickets on eBay

TICKETS for the London 2012 Olympics belonging to Russian president Vladimir Putin are available for purchase on eBay.

Annan decks Assad

KOFI Annan has floored Syria's President Bashar al-Assad with a single blow.

Euros disintegrating in sunlight

EURO banknotes are dissolving into thin air at the touch of the sun as if they were never real.

France surrenders to Thor

PRESIDENT Francois Hollande has confirmed France’s unconditional surrender to the Norse god of thunder.