Trump claims Islam ‘f**ked up his hair’

DONALD Trump has accused Islam of ‘f**king up his once beautiful head of hair’.

RAF to look for any unbombed bits of Syria

DAVID Cameron has called on Britain to flatten the last remaining bumpy bits of Syria.

Cockroaches following Russian jet story with interest

THE NEXT dominant species on the planet is following the news of a downed Russian jet on the Syria-Turkey border with growing interest.

Refugees asked to just hold on while we have this debate

REFUGEES from Syria have been asked to just drive their boats in a circle until Europe decides what to do with them.

Cameron encourages private sector to bomb Syria

THE prime minister has announced financial incentives for any UK business which commits to airstrikes in Syria. 

Syria same

SYRIANS are having a typical Monday, it has been confirmed.

Paris incredibly beautiful, confirm experts

PARIS is just amazing and if you have not been there you should definitely go, it has been confirmed.

Chinese demand for English upper class idiots soars

PRESIDENT Xi Jinping’s friendship with David Cameron has led to a surge in Chinese demand for our public school idiots.