Trump loves pizza, says Dr Oetker

DONALD Trump is in fine, thin-crust-loving shape, according to Dr Oetker.

Hillary long, long dead

US PRESIDENTIAL candidate Hillary Clinton has confirmed that she originally died in 2004, and has returned many times since.

Clinton takes ill as Trump closes poll gap and everyone goes to their happy place

HILLARY Clinton’s illness and Donald Trump’s improving poll ratings have led to a global upsurge in thinking happy thoughts about lovely things.

Australia ideal trading partner, say Britons happy to wait three months for stuff

AUSTRALIA is the perfect trading partner for Britain due to being on the other side of the world, UK residents agree.

World leaders openly taking the piss out of Brexit

EVERYONE at the G20 summit finds Brexit hilarious, Theresa May has confirmed.

Trump confirms Mexico is way better than America

DONALD Trump is refusing to return from Mexico after discovering how much better it is than America.

Common people doing nasty horrid things in Magaluf

BEASTLY common people in Magaluf are simply horrid, it has been claimed.

Disappointed racist can’t get anyone kicked off flight

A DISAPPOINTED British racist cannot find anyone bearded enough to get them thrown off his flight to Majorca.