Donald Trump promises to be America’s first fictional president

DONALD Trump, first introduced in stock market heist thriller Trump! in 1981, has vowed to become the US’s first fictional president.

Lorry drivers' conversations now apocalyptically racist

STRANDED lorry drivers in Kent have broken records for the level of violent racism in their conversations.

Dunkirk-style mission to leave stranded migrants where they are

A FLOTILLA of brave of volunteers will sail to Calais and then sail back with no migrants on board.

I didn’t know the lion had a name, says dentist

THE US dentist who killed Cecil the lion has said he would not knowingly have targeted an animal with a name.

9/11 White House photos show Cheney looking guilty as hell

PHOTOS from inside the White House on September 11th 2001 show Dick Cheney looking exactly as you would expect if the conspiracy theories were true.

Obama ‘frustrated by gun-loving shitheads’

PRESIDENT Obama has admitted to being ‘stymied by a bunch of gap-toothed, gun-loving shit-for-brains’.

Australian celebrates punching a shark with can of surprisingly weak lager

AN Australian surfer has celebrated beating a shark in a fight by drinking a tin of weak, fizzy beer.

Lads’ holiday ruined by refusal to be a twat

A LADS-ONLY holiday to Magaluf has been spoiled by one man’s stubborn refusal to behave like an utter twat.