China to build British nuclear plants that can be detonated remotely

CHINA has agreed to build nuclear power stations in Britain that can be detonated from Beijing.

English suffering from ‘Wales envy’

ENGLISH people are experiencing an unusual sense of inferiority to the Welsh, it has emerged.

Both world wars could have been stopped if everyone had guns, says presidential candidate

THE FIRST and second world wars would never have happened if both sides had been armed, according to Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson.

Shit, he's onto me, says Obama

PRESIDENT Obama has apparently fled the White House after realising Rupert Murdoch has seen through his deception.

Lightweight American politician didn’t even have sex with dead goat

BRITONS have expressed surprise after a US politician killed a goat and drank its blood without also having sex with it.

Anti-insanity vaccinations easiest way to stop mass shootings, claims gun lobby

VACCINATING everyone against mental illness is the easiest and most practical way to prevent mass shootings, according to America’s gun lobby.

Pope ends speech with rousing chorus of Mobb Deep’s ‘Hit it From the Back’

POPE Francis has wowed the United States Congress with a rendition of his favourite hip-hop track.

Scottish thesaurus has 498,000 names to call the English

A NEW Scottish thesaurus contains almost half a million insulting racial epithets for the country's southern neighbours.