International

Boris Johnson sent as far away as possible for as long as possible

BORIS Johnson has been posted to New Zealand for as long as anyone can justify him being there.

People on low carb diets terrified of post-Brexit courgetti shortage

THE government has been urged to secure post-Brexit supplies of courgetti by people who think it is in any way a substitute for pasta.

Trump-Putin handshake summons Beelzebub as predicted

THE handshake between Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin has summoned the Devil, as experts predicted.

90 per cent of holiday photos to be ruined by some fat-headed bastard

NINE out of ten holiday photos will be ruined by some fat-headed arsewit wandering into the frame, it has been confirmed.

'I made you a mixtape', Trump tells Putin

DONALD Trump has given Vladmir Putin a mixtape full of his favourite songs about being tough.

Future of Western civilisation at stake thanks to me, says 'proud' Trump

PRESIDENT Trump has warned that the future of Western civilisation stands in the balance if it continues to elect people like him. 

Nuke Alaska, whatever, US tells North Korea

THE US has challenged North Korea to launch a nuclear strike on Alaska to see if they even notice. 

Firing banknotes out of cannons into Channel ‘cheaper than Brexit’, say experts

TOP economists have urged the government to consider shooting bundles of £50 notes into the sea as an alternative to hard Brexit.