International

Trump to deport everyone who is not Native American

PRESIDENT-ELECT Donald Trump has confirmed plans to deport 318 million non-Native American immigrants.

Farage to act as go-between for Trump and nearest Domino’s

NIGEL Farage will be Donald Trump’s high powered ‘go-between’ whenever the new president wants to eat some pizza.

Trump voter listens carefully to call for national unity then sets up Aryan website

A DONALD Trump supporter has acknowledged the president-elect’s call for national unity before registering the domain name for a white supremacist website.

‘Ignored’ voter to become ‘absolutely shafted’ voter

A TRUMP supporter has voted to make the government stop ignoring him and completely screw him over instead.

Weed legalised in America because they f**king need it

MARIJUANA is now legal in 28 states of the US to help them through every difficult day of the next four years.

I was actually born in Kenya, says Obama

BARACK Obama has admitted he was born in Kenya and 'you can all go fuck yourselves'.

Trump bored now

DONALD Trump is bored of politics and wants to do something else now.

America really, really, really not ready for woman president

THE USA was so unready to have a woman as president that it would vote for literally anyone else instead, it has been confirmed.