International

Greece repaid debts ‘ages ago’

GREEK finance minister Yanis Varoufakis has expressed astonishment that the EU is still asking for money his country gave back in the pub weeks ago.

The Mash guide to the Eurozone crisis

IT IS the coming crisis that absolutely nobody, from the innumerate man in the street to the technocrats leading the EU, understands or has any idea how to stop.

Ukraine to be put up high where Putin can't reach it

UKRAINE is to be detached from the earth and floated 6,000m above sea level so Russia will not be tempted to invade.

Heroic mobile charger travels 1,500 miles to find owner

A LOYAL iPhone charger has crossed a continent to be reunited with its owner.

Greece ordered not to have hot summers and lovely blue sea

EU CHIEFS have ordered Greece to give up its sunny climate, sandy beaches and general pleasantness.

Middle class socialists concerned about Tsipras’s modest lifestyle

COMFORTABLY-OFF socialists in the UK have expressed concern that Alexis Tsipras appears to live without lots of nice things.

Greeks vote to stop having shit kicked out of them

GREEK voters have defied expectation by choosing not to be beaten like cringing dogs for the next five years.

Tutankhamun’s beard actually a chair leg

THE facial appendage on Tutankhamun’s burial mask is a hastily-attached chair leg, it has emerged.