Fascism crushed by 0.6 percent

AUSTRIAN voters have rejected fascism by a landslide margin of over half a percent.

Scottish Labour beaten into ninth place by Human Sacrifice Party

THE Labour Party in Scotland has finished ninth behind a party promising more human sacrifices.

Trump finding increasingly stupid ways to tell people how clever he is

DONALD Trump is continuing to stress how intelligent he is, while finding increasingly inarticulate ways of doing of so.

SNP fury as new Scottish £5 note fails to support independence

SCOTTISH Nationalists have reacted with fury to a new bank note design that does not demand independence.

Obama asks who Boris Johnson is then laughs when told

PRESIDENT Barack Obama has enjoyed learning about Boris Johnson.

Man voting to stay in EU because he thinks he’s sophisticated

A MAN is convinced that Britain should stay in Europe because he imagines it gives him continental flair.

2016 to end early

2016 is to be brought to an early end before anybody else dies.

America warns that if UK quits Europe it will probably invade

THE US will probably invade Britain if it leaves the EU, according to senior White House sources.