International

'Oh no! It's the Daily Telegraph!' says Scotland

SCOTLAND was last night fleeing in terror after a surprise attack from the first battalion of Her Majesty's Daily Telegraph.

Taliban totally fine with whole pissing on corpses thing

AMERICANS can urinate on our dead bodies as much as they feel like, the Taliban said last night.

Independent Scotland could be exactly the same, warn experts

INDEPENDENCE could leave Scotland exactly the same in every way, experts warned last night.

French get chance to vote for magnificent bastard

FRANCE has a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be ruled by a bastard of unparalleled magnificence.

Paul Dacre institutionalised, 600 of his journalists on medication...

In this comfortingly plausible account, THE DAILY MASH imagines the day the Mail invaded the Falklands.

Kim Jong Un waiting on IT support

APOCALYPSE facilitator Kim Jong Un will start his new job as soon as IT has helped him login to his work computer.

North Korea to execute Kim Jong Il's heart attack

KIM Jong-Il's fatal heart attack is to be executed by firing squad, it has been confirmed.

French shocked by lack of shock

THE people of France have been left shocked by the complete absence of shock they feel at former president Jacques Chirac being found guilty of embezzlement.