Richest 85 to buy poorest 3.5 billion

THE world's richest people will purchase half the population in a deal worth trillions, it has been confirmed.

Child labourer oblivious to concept of Blue Monday

AN 11-year-old Indian brick-kiln worker has admitted he's unaware that this is the most depressing day of the year.

Britain could miss out on crazy, pointless war with China, says important American

CUTS to Britain’s armed forces mean the country will be ‘left on the sidelines’ when America invades China.

Rest of Europe wants referendum on Britain

THE 27 member states of the European Union have demanded a referendum on whether Britain is allowed to stay in.

All 50 US states now terrifying to British people

ALL 50 US states are now incredibly frightening if you are an ordinary British person, it has been confirmed.

Kim Jong-un wondering if North Korea really loves him

NORTH Korea's leader Kim Jong-un has admitted wondering if his people love him as deeply and infinitely as they claim.

This Christmas, let’s all adopt a North Korean

TEMPORARY lodgings are being sought for most of North Korea’s 25 million people.

Uruguay has weed and dolphins, say excited stoners

POTHEADS have been frantically booking flights after hearing about Uruguay's weed/dolphins combination.