World on brink of tits-based war

BRITAIN is at war with France and the 'Axis of Tits', as breast-based conflict threatens to engulf the planet.

America 'fifteenth, maybe twentieth best country in the world', says Obama

PRESIDENT Barack Obama has described America as being easily one of the world's top twenty countries.

Assange to be tempted from embassy with trail of secrets

POLICE will attempt to lure Julian Assange from the Ecuadorian embassy using a 'trail of secrets' which the Wikileaks founder should find irresistible.

Wales launches endearing bid for Commonwealth Games

PLUCKY Wales is bidding for the 2026 Commonwealth Games, which lots of people think are just as good as the Olympics.

Pussy Riot 'could be forced to advertise butter'

SUPPORTERS of the arrested Russian punks Pussy Riot have warned that the band may be forced to promote dairy products.

'Bookish' Australians indifferent to Olympics success

AUSTRALIA'S woeful medal tally is explained by its residents' disdain for any activity that emphasises the physical over the mental, it has been claimed.

Earth hails successful Mars invasion

ALL the major Martian cities have been successfully destroyed.