But I was wearing tights, says violent criminal

US vigilante Phoenix Jones has had his costume-based appeal for leniency rejected.

Palin leaves gap for nutter

SARAH Palin has opened the way for a class-A nutter to grab the Republican presidential nomination.

Knox to be trained in how not to look shifty

AMANDA Knox will today begin an intensive training course in how not to look shifty, ever.

Saudi king having sympathetic pregnancy

KING Abdullah of Saudi Arabia is mirroring the symptoms of one of his pregnant wives.

Assange would be getting taste of own medicine if he was a government, say experts

JULIAN Assange is not really getting a taste of his own medicine because he is not a huge, deceitful government, experts have confirmed.

Berlusconi gets tough as S&P cuts fanny rating

SILVIO Berlusconi has pledged tough action after Standard and Poor's downgraded Italy's triple-A fanny rating.

Conspiracy theorists deny 9-11 anniversary

SEPTEMBER 11th conspiracy theorists have dismissed claims of the terrorist attack's 10th anniversary.

Obama jobs plan a secret Muslim, say Republicans

PRESIDENT Obama's £400bn jobs plans shows all the signs of being a secret Muslim, leading Republicans have claimed.