International

We Did Actually Eat Four Guys, Admit Chilean Miners

THE first of the trapped Chilean miners brought to the surface have admitted that four of their colleagues were delicious.

Ahmadinejad Repels Un Using Courgette

THE president of Iran last night fought off an angry United Nations General Assembly using nothing but a medium sized courgette.

Tea Party Anti-Masturbation Video 'Incredibly Arousing'

MEN cannot resist touching themselves while watching Tea Party candidate Christine O'Donnell's anti-masturbation diatribe, it has emerged.

Pope Congratulated On Size Of His Balls

POPE Benedict was congratulated on the sheer heft and girth of his testicles last night after the former Hitler Youth member said atheists were Nazis and accused Richard Dawkins of plotting a new holocaust.

World Breathes Easy As Sad Little Man Decides He's Had Enough Attention

THE world was breathing a sigh of relief last night as the self-appointed head of a tiny church decided he had had enough attention for the time being.

US Church To Commemorate 9-11 By Causing Another One

A CHURCH in Florida is to commemorate the anniversary of the 9-11 atrocity by causing another one.

Pope 'Using UK Taxpayers Like Giant Condom'

THE Pope was last night accused of using British taxpayers to protect himself from non-sexually transmitted bullets.

Chilean Mine Starting To Sound Not Bad

BEING trapped down a mine shaft in Chile for four months is starting to sound not too bad, men across Britain said last night.