Carnival cruise passengers offered new identities

CRUISE passengers who endured the Carnival Triumph will be able to start a new life with a different name.

Kerry refuses to speak English

JOHN Kerry has stopped speaking English to avoid accusations of intellectualism by US voters.

Albert Camus to advertise energy drink

FRANCE is to pimp out its cultural heritage in order to clear its debts.

America to send monkey-riding-a-dog into space

THE US has responded to Iran's space ambitions with plans to send a monkey strapped to a dog into space.

Obama lip-synced during inauguration

PRESIDENT Obama mimed to a backing track while being sworn in as president, it has emerged.

Belfast City Hall flies picture of Sherlock Holmes kissing a dolphin

BELFAST councillors hope to stop the city’s ongoing riots with by replacing the union flag with a bizarre image of Benedict Cumberbatch.