International

Egyptian revolt delays mojito

THOUSANDS of panicked UK tourists in Egypt contacted the Foreign Office last night after it emerged their mojito had still not arrived.

Morgan Freeman to become full-time Nelson Mandela

NELSON Mandela is to resign from being himself to make way for Morgan Freeman.

Palin 'hit with dishonesty bullets from .357 Magnum of unfairness'

SARAH Palin has hit out at her critics in the wake of the Tuscon shootings claiming they have fired at her 'with a semi-automatic hunting rifle of injustice'.

America one step closer to realising life is not a film

THE United States has taken another small step towards realising they are not all the stars of some badly written melodrama.

Iran nuclear tour conducted by Willy Wonka

INTERNATIONAL diplomats have been given a tour of Iran's nuclear facilities after finding a golden ticket inside a Lion Bar.

Russians Infiltrate Least Important Thing In Britain

INTELLIGENCE chiefs believe Russia may be engaged in a complex double bluff after infiltrating the office of a Liberal Democrat MP.

Unmanned Wikileaks Drone Destroys Afghan Village

WIKILEAKS was last night accused of putting lives at risk after destroying an Afghan village with an unmanned drone.

Palin Targets Fish

SARAH Palin has pledged a campaign of systematic fish genocide in a bid to stop marine life forms spreading lies about evolution.