Illuminati celebrate election victory

BARACK Obama’s victory has brought the tyrannical New World Order a step closer, according to the Illuminati.

God ignores idiots

GOD has emphatically ignored the fervent prayers of idiots, allowing Barack Obama to be re-elected as President.

Romney raised by impala

MITT Romney was born in Kenya and raised by beasts, it has emerged.

Obama really hoping he loses

AFTER years of bitter political struggle, Barack Obama is secretly hoping he will lose the presidential election.

Single moron to decide outcome of US election

THE neck-and-neck 2012 US election has become a battle for the vote of one apathetic car wash attendant in Ohio.

Investment banking will fix hurricane damage, says Romney

THE devastation caused by Hurricane Sandy can only be fixed with a new wave of unregulated investment banking, Mitt Romney has claimed.

Exasperated CIA opens UFO to public

THE CIA has turned its extraterrestrial things into a tourist attraction after running out of patience.