International

Palin Targets Fish

SARAH Palin has pledged a campaign of systematic fish genocide in a bid to stop marine life forms spreading lies about evolution.

Can't You All Just Settle This Over A Nice Plate Of Dog? World Asks Korea

NORTH and South Korea have been urged to settle their differences over a big plate of dog chops.

Ireland To Dance Its Way Out Of Debt

IRELAND is to save itself from bankruptcy by dancing.

Bush Explains Upside Of Torture, Mass Death And Bankruptcy

GEORGE W Bush has defended his presidency insisting history will wait until he is dead before admitting that mass killing and bankruptcy are excellent.

Villagers Demand Return Of Flaccid, Old School Nudists

A FRENCH village plagued by an influx of copulating naturists is campaigning for the return of overweight, erection-free volley ball players.

America Exercises Right To Punch Itself In The Nuts

THE United States last night reasserted its hard won freedom to punch itself squarely in the balls.

Spanish Prostitutes Order New Fitted Kitchens

PROSTITUTES across Spain are ordering a range of home improvements after their earning estimates for next year were revised upwards.

Vatican Banned Bruni To Avert Papal Erection

THE Vatican blocked a visit by French first lady Carla Bruni in order to prevent a full-scale Papal engorgement, it has been confirmed.