We'll call you, IMF tells Clarke

THE International Monetary Fund has promised Ken Clarke it will definitely give him a call about the vacant chief executive's position.

'Good God! What the hell's that?' shouts Pakistan

PAKISTAN last night pointed at the sky and screamed in a pathetic attempt to distract the world from its nauseatingly transparent guilt.

Syria stands on naughty step

POLITICIANS in Syria have sobbingly asked William Hague if he can just give them a second chance.

Everyone finally understands big nuclear thing

THE big nuclear thing in Japan finally made sense today after some people said it was now the same number as something you have heard of.

Now apologise for America, Britain told

IF Britain is in the mood for apologising for things it should really add America to its list, it was claimed last night.

Fingers crossed Libyan rebels aren't insane

THE United Nations last night had its fingers crossed that the Libyan rebels it has just backed are not stark, raving lunatics.

Gaddafi welcomed by online forums

LIBYAN leader Colonel Gaddafi has been offered sanctuary by the internet's legion of keyboard warriors.

UK rescue attempt convinces Brits to stay in Libya

UK attempts to rescue British citizens trapped in Libya have convinced most of them to dig a big hole in the sand and live in it.