International

Spanish Prostitutes Order New Fitted Kitchens

PROSTITUTES across Spain are ordering a range of home improvements after their earning estimates for next year were revised upwards.

Vatican Banned Bruni To Avert Papal Erection

THE Vatican blocked a visit by French first lady Carla Bruni in order to prevent a full-scale Papal engorgement, it has been confirmed.

We Did Actually Eat Four Guys, Admit Chilean Miners

THE first of the trapped Chilean miners brought to the surface have admitted that four of their colleagues were delicious.

Ahmadinejad Repels Un Using Courgette

THE president of Iran last night fought off an angry United Nations General Assembly using nothing but a medium sized courgette.

Tea Party Anti-Masturbation Video 'Incredibly Arousing'

MEN cannot resist touching themselves while watching Tea Party candidate Christine O'Donnell's anti-masturbation diatribe, it has emerged.

Pope Congratulated On Size Of His Balls

POPE Benedict was congratulated on the sheer heft and girth of his testicles last night after the former Hitler Youth member said atheists were Nazis and accused Richard Dawkins of plotting a new holocaust.

World Breathes Easy As Sad Little Man Decides He's Had Enough Attention

THE world was breathing a sigh of relief last night as the self-appointed head of a tiny church decided he had had enough attention for the time being.

US Church To Commemorate 9-11 By Causing Another One

A CHURCH in Florida is to commemorate the anniversary of the 9-11 atrocity by causing another one.