Trump gives three-hour talk about UFOs

AFTER claiming the US election is rigged, Donald Trump has given a lengthy slideshow presentation about UFOs and lizard aliens.

‘Hillary should’ve smiled more,’ says voter choosing between her or a deranged murder clown

HILLARY Clinton should have smiled more during her speech, according to a man who may now vote for a demented orange clown instead.

Patronising English arseholes wondering why Scotland might want independence

ENGLISH people who keep taking the piss out of Scotland are also baffled as to why the country might want independence.

France condemned as petty, jumped-up country obsessed with protecting its borders

FRANCE hates foreigners and thinks it is better than neighbouring countries, it has been claimed.

British expats fully integrated into Spanish culture

BRITISH citizens living on the Costa del Sol are now more Spanish than the Spaniards themselves, they have confirmed.

Trump: ‘I am literally an eagle’

DONALD Trump has told America that he is actually an enormous eagle with red-and-white striped wings.

Britain to get absolutely everything it wants from Brexit negotiations

THE UK can get free access to the single market without any concessions on freedom of movement, according to a man with no idea what ‘negotiating’ means.

UK officially assigned ‘clown country’ status

THE IMF has changed Britain’s status to ‘clown country’, giving us the same international standing as a backfiring toy car driven by a dog in a fireman's helmet.