International

Trump calls Buddha a ‘stupid foreign hippy’

DONALD Trump has continued his war on religious leaders with a foulmouthed attack on Buddha.

Church denies Pope had normal human feelings

CATHOLIC church officials have denied that Pope John Paul II would have done anything normal and healthy like fancying a woman.

Syrian refugees 'now have no excuse not to return to bombsites'

THE Syrian ceasefire means refugees have no reason not to go back to the blasted ruins of their homes, say European leaders.

Greece split over future of Kraken

GREECE’S left-wing leader has said he would never unleash the Kraken and called for the monster to be phased out.

Savoury pancakes are bullshit, says Pope

THE Pope has officially proclaimed that God did not intend anyone to eat savoury pancakes.

Cameron secures leftover sandwiches for UK

DAVID Cameron has negotiated a deal allowing Britain to keep any leftover sandwiches from EU meetings, he has announced.

Trump beaten by man who really believes all the horrible things he says

DONALD Trump has lost in the Iowa primary to Ted Cruz, a man who does not just say vile things about immigrants but sincerely believes them.

SAS rescues British couple trapped in inauthentic part of France

THE SAS has mounted a daring helicopter raid to rescue a British couple stranded in a horrifically modern French town.