International

Russia excluded from True Detective finale

PRESIDENT Obama has announced sanctions against Russia which include a ban on the season finale of True Detective.

Russian troops claim to be birdwatching

THOUSANDS of Russian troops camped on the Ukrainian border have claimed to be looking for the spotted Baltic woodpecker.

Russia turns down Crimea

CRIMEA'S application to join the Russian Federation has been refused because it is 'cold and boring'.

Crimeans hoping Putin okay with 97 per cent

THE people of Crimea are hoping Vladimir Putin is happy with their overwhelming love for Russia.

Irish banned from St Patrick's Day

THE Irish have been barred from St Patrick's Day celebrations worldwide because they get carried away and ruin it.

Bitcoin founder not a real wizard

THE creator of Bitcoin has been revealed as a mere mortal who cannot dispense hearts, brains or courage.

Nationalism continues to make everything brilliant

NATIONALISM continues to be the best way of making everything better, it has been confirmed.

US and Europe on brink of passive-aggressive letter to Putin

THE United States and Europe have warned Vladimir Putin to watch his post box for a passive-aggressive bombshell.