International

World to enjoy its last day of relative sanity 


PEOPLE around the world are deciding how to spend their last day before Donald Trump becomes US President.

Calais Jungle already turned into luxury apartments

THE refugee camp in Calais has already become luxury apartments that only footballers and bankers can afford.

Coachload of annoying British schoolchildren arrives in Calais

A COACH packed with British children has arrived in Calais, where they are being right little bastards.

Britain ‘mystified’ more seven-year-old children haven’t made unaccompanied 2,300 mile journey from Syria

MILLIONS of Britons are surprised at how few seven-year-old refugees have journeyed alone across the whole of Europe.

Dead people confirm support for Trump

THE undead have pledged their support for Donald Trump in the US presidential election.

Yes, you’re right, it’s pronounced 'bo-log-nays', Italy tells Britain

ITALY has bowed to the superior knowledge of Britons and admitted its signature meat sauce should be pronounced ‘bo-log-nays’.

EU scoundrels point out that Britain will get exactly what it voted for

DISHONEST EU leaders have been attacked for telling Britain that it is going to get exactly what it wanted.

Clinton in narrow victory over deranged baboon

HILLARY Clinton remained on course for the White House despite an unconvincing debate victory over a crazed baboon.