International

90 per cent of holiday photos to be ruined by some fat-headed bastard

NINE out of ten holiday photos will be ruined by some fat-headed arsewit wandering into the frame, it has been confirmed.

'I made you a mixtape', Trump tells Putin

DONALD Trump has given Vladmir Putin a mixtape full of his favourite songs about being tough.

Future of Western civilisation at stake thanks to me, says 'proud' Trump

PRESIDENT Trump has warned that the future of Western civilisation stands in the balance if it continues to elect people like him. 

Nuke Alaska, whatever, US tells North Korea

THE US has challenged North Korea to launch a nuclear strike on Alaska to see if they even notice. 

Firing banknotes out of cannons into Channel ‘cheaper than Brexit’, say experts

TOP economists have urged the government to consider shooting bundles of £50 notes into the sea as an alternative to hard Brexit.

Trump unveils new law of physics allowing him to cross previously undiscovered lines

DONALD Trump has employed theoretical physicists to create infinite lines of taste and decency he can eventually cross.

Brexit talks end as Google abolishes EU

BREXIT secretary David Davis is on his way home from Brussels after Google abolished the European Union.

DUP gets £1bn for murals of fat Protestant men in bowler hats

THE DUP is to get £1bn of taxpayers money to spend on very large paintings of fat men in bowler hats and orange sashes.