International

Trump has already pressed fake nuclear button CIA gave him over a dozen times

DONALD Trump has nearly worn out the large fake red button that the CIA told him would set off nuclear weapons.

Trump begins wall that will ironically save Mexico

THE construction of a 2,000-mile long border wall that will ensure Mexico survives the total implosion of America begins today.

Assange to hand himself in after realising he only had Adam Sandler films left to watch

JULIAN Assange is to hand himself over to US officials after watching every film that doesn't feature Adam Sandler.

Trump starts day by idly crossing countries off world map

DONALD Trump has started his day by idly crossing off countries on a map of the world.

US flag changed to orange, purple and white to match Trump’s face

THE stars-and-stripes is switching colour scheme to orange, purple and white to match President Trump’s facial colouring.

Trump confirms this is going to be completely f**king insane

DONALD Trump has confirmed that the next four years are going to be as fucked up as his campaign.

Final section of pre-apocalypse montage filmed at 5pm today

THE final footage for a grainy, event-packed pre-apocalypse montage will be filmed at the Capitol in Washington DC at 5pm today.

We will not think any less of you if you back out now, humanity tells Trump

BILLIONS of humans have reassured Donald Trump that it’s fine if he wants to change his mind about becoming president.