International

North ‘must do better as a hemisphere’

NORTHERN hemisphere patriots are undergoing a bout of soul-searching following their half of the planet’s poor rugby performance.

Cameron waiting until weekend to condemn Putin

THE prime minister has decided that condemning Vladimir Putin for entertaining an anti-democratic despot can wait a few days.

China to build British nuclear plants that can be detonated remotely

CHINA has agreed to build nuclear power stations in Britain that can be detonated from Beijing.

English suffering from ‘Wales envy’

ENGLISH people are experiencing an unusual sense of inferiority to the Welsh, it has emerged.

Both world wars could have been stopped if everyone had guns, says presidential candidate

THE FIRST and second world wars would never have happened if both sides had been armed, according to Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson.

Shit, he's onto me, says Obama

PRESIDENT Obama has apparently fled the White House after realising Rupert Murdoch has seen through his deception.

Lightweight American politician didn’t even have sex with dead goat

BRITONS have expressed surprise after a US politician killed a goat and drank its blood without also having sex with it.

Anti-insanity vaccinations easiest way to stop mass shootings, claims gun lobby

VACCINATING everyone against mental illness is the easiest and most practical way to prevent mass shootings, according to America’s gun lobby.