International

We don’t give a shit who wins your pathetic bunfight, EU tells Britain

THE European Union has strongly denied Theresa May’s claim that the UK’s election is important enough for it to give half a shit about.

EU strangely not begging Britain for mercy

EUROPEAN leaders do not seem to realise the EU will collapse when Britain leaves, puzzled Britons have observed.

EU dares to have Brexit demands

THE EU has dared to have a list of demands for the Brexit negotiations when it is Britain that will be doing the demanding.

Idiotic multi-billionaire assumes Tories care about foreigners

AN idiotic American billionaire has assumed the Tories care about the fate of people in the developing world.

Daily Mail ordered to pay damages to anyone who has ever read it

THE Daily Mail has been ordered to pay damages to readers for exposing them to decades of demented tripe.

Ryanair passenger hopeful he might get aggressively dragged off

A CRAMPED, overheating man would not mind being forcibly bundled off his Ryanair flight.

Humanity a bit concerned that its leaders are completely insane

THE human race has expressed concern that everyone in charge appears to be utterly demented.

Trump and Putin have first marital row

DONALD Trump and Vladimir Putin have had the first nasty row of their until-now harmonious relationship.