International

China commemorates 25 years since nothing happened

THE People's Republic of China has marked the 25th anniversary of everyone having a pleasant, uneventful day out in Tiananmen Square.

SNP fury as Met Office claims Scottish weather not very nice

SCOTTISH nationalists have reacted with fury after a Met Office study found the country’s weather was really quite unpleasant.

Edinburgh trams 'worth 400 year wait'

EDINBURGH'S tram service has finally opened after 400 years of planning.

I’d have eaten toddler myself if it was smaller, says 'hero cat'

AMERICA'S 'hero cat' has admitted she would kill humans if they were small enough to fit in her mouth.

Putin compares Charles to Anthea Turner

VLADIMIR Putin has compared Prince Charles to Anthea Turner because he is a ‘fragrant, middle-aged woman with no power’.

I thought the parade was very jolly, says Putin

RUSSIAN President Vladimir Putin has insisted the massive military parade through Red Square today was ‘rather jolly’.

Russia and Ukraine still going to vote for each other in Eurovision

THE Ukraine and Russia are to give each other maximum points in the Eurovision song contest despite basically being at war.

I only want Scotland to be independent so I can destroy it, admits Salmond

ALEX Salmond has finally admitted he hates Scotland and wants the country to be independent so he can abolish it.