International

I only want Scotland to be independent so I can destroy it, admits Salmond

ALEX Salmond has finally admitted he hates Scotland and wants the country to be independent so he can abolish it.

Cornwall to celebrate new status with disgusting amount of cream

CORNWALL will today celebrate its new minority status with an unstoppable deluge of fresh cream.

Kate wins over Australia with anti-Kiwi racism

THE Duchess of Cambridge has been taken to Australian hearts after a series of increasingly racist comments about New Zealand.

Red moon turns US communist

AMERICA has become a communist country following the appearance of a red moon.

Nuclear strike on Coachella festival 'not a bad idea'

WORLD leaders are considering a nuclear missile attack on Calfornia's Coachella festival.

Sweden to become more stereotypical

SWEDISH ministers have announced a six-hour working day as part of plans to make their country more stereotypical.

Russia to open pop-up government in Eastern Ukraine

RUSSIA is to open a limited-term 'pop-up' government in the Ukraine to test consumer demand.

Pope attacks Queen with bottle

POPE Francis tried to bottle the Queen yesterday after a comment about Henry VIII sparked a fight.