Leaderless French Army Unable To Retreat

THE French army was in chaos last night after the resignation of its most senior general left it temporarily unable to retreat.

Dubai Plans Skyscraper Made Of Fanta

THE oil-rich state of Dubai has unveiled plans for a daring new skyscraper constructed entirely of Fanta.

Britain Unveils Plan To Criticise Mugabe Out Of Office

BRITAIN is to lead international efforts to drive Zimbabwe's president Robert Mugabe from office with wave after wave of devastating criticism.

Australia Goes All Nancy

AUSTRALIA suddenly went all nancy last night after a chef said a dirty word on television.

Foot Collectors Flock To Canada Shoreline

EAGER foot collectors are setting up camp on the beaches near Vancouver, amid talk of a new Canadian 'foot rush'.

Europe Destroyed By Curse Of The Leprechaun

EUROPE lay in tatters last night, ravaged by the strongest leprechaun curse in over a decade.

How To Avoid Gerry This Summer

London: 5th June, 1939

THE Foreign and Commonwealth Office is advising British holidaymakers to steer clear of continental Europe this summer, warning that it may be full of Germans.

America Waits For Clinton To F*ck Off

AMERICA was waiting with bated breath last night as Hillary Clinton signalled she may be about to fuck off.