International

Jailed Saudi Men Blame Burqa Wearing Cock-Tease

A GROUP of Saudi men jailed for flirting have claimed they were driven to it by a provocatively dressed woman who flashed the bridge of her nose at them.

Olympic Boycott Would Jeopardise Supply Of £14.99 Dvd Players, Warns Brown

IF Britain wants to pay more than £15 for a DVD player then it may as well just go ahead and boycott the Beijing Olympics, the prime minister said last night.

'Bastard Chinese Tried To Poison Me' Says Indiana Jones

INDIANA Jones, the eminent archaeologist, has condemned the Chinese as a 'gang of no-good scumbags' claiming they tried to poison him in a Shanghai nightclub.

What's Wrong With Toasties? Un Asks Rat-Eating Thai Freaks

THE UN secretary general has written to the prime minister of Thailand asking why they don't just eat toasted sandwiches.

Wives All Round, Says Victorious Romney

A JUBILANT Mitt Romney last night promised 'wives for all' after storming to victory in the Michigan primary contest.

French Voters Embrace 'Le Pump Totale'

THE French have abandoned their traditional disinterest in the private lives of politicians, labeling the girlfriend of President Sarkozy a 'total pump'.

Why Are My Eyes Leaking? Asks Hillary

DEMOCRATIC presidential candidate Hillary Clinton walked out of a campaign event in New Hampshire after small amounts of salty water began leaking from her eyes.

Clinton Slump Shows U.S. Still Not Ready To Vote For A Harpie

AMERICANS may still not be ready to vote for an annoying, screechy harridan after Hillary Clinton's poor showing in the Iowa caucus.