Power Of Positive Thinking Fails To Halt California Wildfires

POSITIVE thinking has failed to halt the wildfires in California with millions fleeing their homes despite staying fully focused on their goal of not seeing their house transformed into a smoking ruin.

Russia To Withdraw 400 Lap Dancers

PRESIDENT Vladimir Putin has threatened to withdraw an entire squadron of lapdancers from central London, as the diplomatic row with Moscow escalates.

Iran To Perform Salman Rushdie Knighthood

IRAN last night offered to perform Sir Salman Rushdie's forthcoming knighthood ceremony saying recent television footage suggested the Queen was no longer "up to the job". 

Bob Marley 'Not Killed By Wizards', Admit Jamaican Police

POLICE in Jamaica have closed their 26-year investigation into the death of Bob Marley and admitted the reggae superstar was not murdered by wizards.

Iran Signs Four-Year Deal With Disney

IRAN has abandoned theocracy and signed a four year deal with Disney after two hours of talks with the US Government yesterday.