Everything in Europe was great before you arrived, migrants told

MIGRANTS to Europe have ruined what was a perfectly-functioning near paradise, they have been told.

Trump still looking for last two horsemen of apocalypse

FOLLOWING the appointment of Sarah Palin as War, Donald Trump is still looking for an additional two horsemen before he is ready to ride.

Ski resort ‘attracting wrong sort of twats’

A POPULAR ski resort is attracting working class twats rather than posh twats, it has emerged.

Kim Jong-un promises he will only use nukes if he wants to

THE leader of North Korea has sworn to only use nuclear weapons if he is really in the mood.

Mother Teresa sainthood paperwork 'a massive ball ache', says Pope

POPE Francis has filled in the lengthy forms for Mother Teresa's 'miracles' to be approved by Jesus.

Trump admits even he is terrified of Trump presidency

DONALD Trump has revealed he has had nightmares about him becoming president.

Trump convinced owning golf courses makes him popular in Britain

DONALD Trump believes that owning golf courses is something British people find impressive, it has emerged.

Trump claims Islam ‘f**ked up his hair’

DONALD Trump has accused Islam of ‘f**king up his once beautiful head of hair’.