International

Man voting to stay in EU because he thinks he’s sophisticated

A MAN is convinced that Britain should stay in Europe because he imagines it gives him continental flair.

2016 to end early

2016 is to be brought to an early end before anybody else dies.

America warns that if UK quits Europe it will probably invade

THE US will probably invade Britain if it leaves the EU, according to senior White House sources.

It was 'Adam and Steve' all along, confirms Pope

CLOSE examination of the Bible has revealed  it was 'Adam and Steve' in the Garden of Eden the whole time.

Give back everything you bought with foreign aid, say tight bastards

COUNTRIES must give back anything they bought with foreign aid from the UK, mean-spirited Britons have demanded.

But Putin has such an honest face, says everyone

VLADIMIR Putin has such kind eyes that it is impossible to imagine him doing anything shady, according to the public.

Middle class family already planning trip to Palmyra

A MIDDLE CLASS family has booked a trip to Palmyra in Syria to see the historical site before the crowds.

Hostages sort of assumed selfie man was planning to overpower hijacker

HOSTAGES aboard the hijacked EgyptAir plane assumed 'selfie man' was planning a heroic act, it has emerged.