European dole more chic and sophisticated

BEING on the dole in Europe is a more stylish and sophisticated experience than in the UK, ex-pat Britons have claimed.

Europe to review transporting fire in lorries

EUROPEAN authorities may ban the importation of fire in unsecured lorries after the Channel tunnel incident.

Pope smashes bottle on bar

POPE Francis broke the bottom of a Grolsch bottle open on a bar when asked how Catholics should respond to insults to their faith.

Two idiots climb big thing for some stupid reason

A PAIR of morons scaled a sheer rock face for reasons that make no sense whatsoever.

The Daily Mash guide to satire for jihadists

ARE you locked in a holy war against the West because you never get any of the jokes on Mock the Week? End that misery with our handy guide to understanding satire.

Cameron vows UK will be last place on Earth to legalise weed

THE prime minister has promised that cannabis will still be illegal in Britain decades after everyone else has given in.

Scotland commission unveils hideously deformed camel

THE commission on new powers for Scotland has unveiled a camel with nine legs, seven humps and 13 buttocks.

People who knew nothing about Ferguson riots able to work out exactly why they happened

A GROUP of people kept in isolation for the last six months has guessed exactly why there are riots in the US town of Ferguson.