International

Survive five years in this twat factory and you're in for life, EU citizens told

EU CITIZENS have been told if they can manage five consecutive years in the twat factory that is Britain, they can stay for life.

Davis tells room full of people who can speak German that they'd all be speaking German if it wasn't for us


DAVID Davis has told a room full of people who can speak German that if it was not for Britain they would all be speaking German.

England assumed everyone in Scotland was working class

ENGLAND has been surprised to learn that not everyone in Scotland is a foul-mouthed manual worker on the minimum wage.

Davis emerges without trousers

DAVID Davis was forced to surrender his trousers during the first day of Brexit talks, it has been confirmed.

'So you had an election then?' chuckles Juncker

JEAN Claude Juncker has opened Brexit negotiations with the UK by chuckling away like an easily amused child.

Brexit talks to go ahead without us

MONDAY’S talks with the EU will go ahead without British involvement because what could be more Brexit, the government has confirmed.

F**k off, you're not invited anymore, UK tells Trump

BRITAIN has withdrawn Donald Trump's invitation to visit and never really wanted him to come in the first place.

Scotland to have second referendum anyway 'because it’s full of awkward bastards'

SCOTLAND will probably have another independence referendum because of its high percentage of difficult bastards, it has emerged.