SARKOZY GETTING IT TONIGHT

FRENCH president Nicolas Sarkozy is looking forward to a 'very exciting evening' as a reward for his role in ending the conflict in Georgia.

'I'm just so happy'

A beaming Mr Sarkozy returned to Charles De Gaulle airport early this morning, winking at members of the public and rubbing his hands together vigorously.

The French president said: "When I left the house yesterday Carla said to me, 'if you can end the war in Georgia I will do that thing that makes you quack like a duck.

"I cannot actually tell you what it is, other than to say it involves a balaclava, a butternut squash and three feet of clingfilm. And Carla Bruni in the buff, obviously."

Mr Sarkozy said the incentive helped him to maintain a 'laser-like focus' throughout the negotiations.

"If at any point I felt a peace deal was in jeopardy, I simply pictured my wife soaping herself. Worked like a charm."

The president has already cancelled all meetings scheduled for Thursday morning, and told his bodyguards they must not interrupt no matter how loudly he quacks.

"It goes without saying there will also be many, many hours of conventional intercourse. With Carla Bruni. Did I mention that?"

He added: "Look at me, I can't stop smiling."

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