Trump promises to visit Macron in 'whatever shithole country he comes from'

DONALD Trump has promised to visit Emmanuel Macron in ‘whatever the hell shithole of a country he comes from’, the White House has confirmed.

Trump, who is hosting the French President at the White House, said he would love to see Macron’s ‘complete shithole’ adding: “Even if it’s in Africa.”

A White House insider said: “The President said we should have pizza for dinner with Mr Macron tonight as it would make him feel right at home.

“Then he added, ‘a roast dinner, that’s what they call it over there, isn’t it?’ We’ll have one of those too’.

“So it was a roast dinner for starters, pizza for the main and a Paella for dessert.

“Then he asked Madame Macron to do a traditional ‘rain dance’.”

A spokesman for the French President said: “It’s gone a lot better than we expected.”

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5k run adds 30 minutes to your life but takes 40 minutes

A FIVE kilometre run adds 30 minutes to your life but takes 40 minutes, health experts have confirmed.

After putting on running shoes, stretching and uploading all the details to multiple social media platforms are taken into account, the time taken to run five kilometres is closer to an hour.

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “This makes the whole endeavour twice as ineffective.”

The confirmation that running is essentially futile has confirmed what everyone has been thinking.

Runner Tom Booker admitted: “I knew this shit was stupid. Every time I went running I thought about how I’d spend my extra half an hour, and then I’d get back and realise I could have just watched an episode of Luther instead.”

Professor Brubaker added: “Running is like growing your own vegetables.”

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