US Becomes World's Biggest Council Estate
AMERICA became the world’s largest council estate last night after the US government bought all the houses.
With the nationalisation of the country’s biggest mortage companies, Washington can now begin painting all the front doors the same colour and filling the gardens with rubbish.
Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson said: “By taking Kenny G and Elmer Fudd into state control the US government is now the second biggest owner of third rate homes after Liverpool City Council.”
He added: “Since the Pilgrim Fathers set foot on Plymouth Rock, the American dream has been about working hard and owning your own home until the government suddenly turns into a bunch of communists and buys up all the mortgages.
“Rest assured we will choose a sickly blue-green colour for your front door and inject damp into the walls in time for Christmas.”
Mr Paulson continued: “Now we all know that when the government owns your home you have an immediate and irresistible urge to use it as a one big toilet.
“All I would say is: do at least try to use the lavatory, but if not, then please sweep all your droppings into the corner of the room and then cover them in sawdust.”
Meanwhile economist Tom Logan warned: “If all Americans are now effectively council tenants then it’s only a matter of time before they become fat, ignorant bastards who sit around all day eating huge bags of crisps and watching X-Factor.”