Vatican Banned Bruni To Avert Papal Erection

THE Vatican blocked a visit by French first lady Carla Bruni in order to prevent a full-scale Papal engorgement, it has been confirmed.

The Pope had to make do with some photos of her arse hanging out of her dress

The wife of French president Nicolas Sarkozy was asked not to accompany him to Rome earlier this month as senior Vatican officials feared that if the Pontiff met her in person there could be lots of coughing, looking the other way and trying desperately to change the subject.

Vatican insiders stressed that while the Pope does wear a long dress, the material is rather flimsy and even a mild erection would quickly have become obvious.

A senior source said: “The Pope prefers not to wear underpants so we have to be very careful about who we let him get close to. The likes of Madonna, Susan Boyle and Hillary Clinton are all fine, while Cherie Blair probably made it shrink.

“But, even though this is an 83 year-old celibate who thinks sex is for rabid monkeys, we are talking about Carla Bruni for Christ’s sake.

“She’s enough to make you give up 14 year-old choristers.”

The source added: “On that basis we felt it would be best if the President came alone. For all his undoubted charms and full head of hair, Monsieur Sarkozy was unlikely to lead to a Pontifical erection. Not after lunch anyway.”

Papal historian Julian Cook, said: “The last time there was a full-blown hard-on in the Vatican was when John Paul II met Nancy Reagan.

“He was such a weird guy.”