Self-obsessed twat declares entire week his birthday week

A TWAT has announced that a single day is not enough for his birthday.

Tom Booker made the decision after a friend was unable to attend his big 37th birthday party, even though 37 is an objectively inappropriate age to throw a birthday party.

He said: “When Steve couldn’t come on the Saturday I pointed out that it was my birthday all week, so there were plenty of other chances to bathe in its magic.

“The actual day’s Wednesday so that’ll be a big night, but I’m also going to the cinema, tapas, bowling, Laser Quest, all the big stuff. It’s all about the birthday boy.”

Co-worker Emma Bradford said: “Tom kept going on and on about ‘only being 37 once’ and on the morning itself we realised he was properly serious, so I had to run to the Tesco garage to buy him a cake.

“The day after he brought in iced buns and party poppers. Today’s it’s jelly shots and we’re all going out after work to TGI Friday, where he’s going to get the whole place to sing.

“He’s started calling it TomFest. I’m going to try and get him sacked.”