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| FOOT AND MOUTH 'NOT AS MUCH FUN AS LAST TIME' SAY TOWNIES |
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CITY dwellers and townsfolk have branded the latest foot and mouth outbreak “boring” and “not as good as last time” as it looked to be fizzling out after just one week.  Kaplinsky: Will not get out of bed for less than 10,000 burning cows His wife Vera, a waitress, said she realised the outbreak was rubbish when Natasha Kaplinsky did not even bother to make the trip to Surrey for the Six O’Clock news. Mr Steele said: “Last time around there were huge bonfires all over the place but this time it’s been pathetic. I’ve seen bigger flames during a barbecue in my back yard. “Christ, even the BBC has been forced to show repeat footage from the previous one because it hasn't got anything horrific this time around. If they aren’t going to show any new burning cows I’m just not interested.” Mrs Steele said it was Ms Kaplinsky she felt sorry for because she “obviously enjoys herself more” when she gets away from “that George Alagiah”. She said: “I bet she was over the moon at first, thought she might get a new Barbour and some wellies on expenses, and a few nights in a nice hotel. Now look how it’s turned out for her. It’s a shame.” News that livestock from another farm were to be destroyed did not impress Mr Steele. “Really, by now you’d expect they would have set fire to the whole of Kent,” he said. |
| GUEST BLOG: NOEL GALLAGHER |
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THE Olympics - what the fuck was that all about? Every morning, right, that Scottish bird off the telly would sit on a sofa telling us that we'd won a bronze medal in the women’s catapult and that everyone could now go to work with a big smile on their face - in retrospect I think she somehow mistook me for somebody who gives a fuck. |
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