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| HAIRDRESSER OPENS UNDERWORLD PORTAL |
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A LEADING Scots hairdresser has opened a portal to the underworld in his Glasgow salon to satisfy the growing demand for paranormal coiffeuring.  Devil: Not at weekends He said the service was already proving a big hit and that so far clients had raised a number of significant individuals from the past, including Napoleon, Cleopatra and Rikki Fulton. However, he said he did request customers not to use the portal to summon up Pure Evil, especially on Fridays or at the weekend when the salon was particularly busy. Mr Comerbund said: “I am happy to have controversial phantasms such as Stalin appearing within the salon most days, I mean there are two sides to most stories, and some of these guys have some great tales to tell. “But I will not have clients calling up Satan and all his minions for obvious reasons. The stench is unbearable and the sulphurous nature of the Evil One plays havoc with people’s follicles.” The Daily Mash’s own resident clairvoyant Psychic Bob welcomed the move saying it was high time a new underworld portal was opened in Scotland’s biggest city. He said that the existing portals were all heavily oversubscribed leading to long delays for good and evil spirits attempting to enter the human sphere. “It is worse than the M8 in rush-hour,” he said. “I have been on at the council about this for ages but they just act as if the problem does not exist.” |
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LORD Sebastian Coe is one of life's winners, whether I'm thrashing Steve Ovett to take the 1500m gold in Moscow, single-handedly bringing the Olympics back to London, or becoming head boy by exposing my rivals as communist sympathisers. |
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