A 24 year-old probationary civil servant in the agriculture department is today revealed as the man with his hands on the levers of power in Scotland.

Martin Bishop, dictator

"The Civil Service does not normally allow people like me to run a country, not even a small and relatively obedient one, like Scotland.

"At first I was working sometimes six or seven hours a day but once I got used to it I found I could run Scotland in the morning and go to the cinema in the afternoon."

Meanwhile, Bill Anderson, chief economist at the Allander of Fraser Institute at Glasgow Clyde University, said Scotland was clearly better off without a government.

He said: "Bishop costs £2,000 a month, which is the price of his salary plus the standard £500 unpopularity allowance which Jack McConnell used to receive.

"A First Minister, a government and an opposition costs £200 million a month in taxis alone. And unlike the politicians Mr Bishop seems perfectly happy to pay his own mortgage."

According to Anderson in the last four weeks, under Mr Bishop's steady hand, the economy has grown at double its normal rate, the sun has shone everyday and everyone has "felt the love".

"Ugliness among Scots is down 16 per cent, children's scraped knees are down 32 per cent and consensual naughtiness between adults is up by a staggering 48 per cent. Do we really want to risk all that?"

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