A WOMAN has launched a campaign to ban microbeads as soon as she has finished a particularly expensive bottle of shower gel.
A MAN is having problems expressing his sense that life is an empty shout in a meaningless, howling void using only emojis.
MUMS have renewed their pledge to keep phoning with news about people you didn’t really know at school.
TEENAGE rapper Wayne Hayes has penned a song about how he is leaving behind his life of crime, it has emerged.
THE Queen is extremely good at being the Queen, it has been claimed.
PEOPLE who are upbeat in the morning have extremely low intelligence, it has been confirmed.
BEYONCE is working with Greggs on a range of pasties designed to empower women of all shapes and pasty-eating abilities.
A TEENAGER has vowed to shun anything of artistic value for the rest of his life.