News

Tree of the Year dogged by nepotism

THE Tree of the Year competition is dominated by trees with wealthy and well-connected parents, critics have claimed.

Cumberbatch-cancelling headset launched to huge demand

A NEW device that cancels out all mention of Benedict Cumberbatch is selling out everywhere.

Pets demand constant unlimited supply of food

PETS of all species have demanded that unlimited amounts of food are made available to them at all times.

No rush for HS3, say Northerners

NORTHERN rail commuters have admitted that they have no real need to go anywhere very fast.

Manipulative boyfriends vote Danny Pink best Doctor Who companion

CONTROLLING boyfriends think Danny Pink is the all-time top Doctor Who companion, it has emerged.

Taylor Swift album has six songs about George Osborne

MORE than half of Taylor Swift's new album is about her brief but tempestuous relationship with George Osborne.

Children raise half-term bribe level

THE UK's children have increased their price for not being little bastards during half-term.

Man thinks he gets a lot of emails

UNEMPLOYED Wayne Hayes is under the impression that 12 emails a day is a lot.