Addiction warnings on heroin packaging ‘the nanny state gone mad’

HEROIN users are criticising laws that the drug must be sold in plain black packaging with health warnings as the ‘nanny state gone mad’.

Parallel-timeline President Hillary Clinton impeached for wearing ugly shoes

PRESIDENT Hillary Clinton in a parallel timeline is facing impeachment and criminal charges for wearing ugly shoes.

Man not sure if book is good enough to go in toilet

A MAN is unsure if the humorous travel book he has just read is of a high enough standard to qualify as lavatory reading.

New bar to call itself 'Pretentious Shithole' and be done with it

A NEW bar will be called 'Pretentious Shithole' after the owners realised that is what most people will call it anyway.

Them foreigners is a right bunch, say angry old men

ALL them foreign buggers is coming over here and having a bit of how's your father with our lovely poppets, according to Conservative members of the House of Lords.

Towns with best 'quality of life' all sound shit

THE UK towns with the best 'quality of life' all sound like stuck-up smugholes with a 'green' and an expensive butcher, Britain has agreed.

President of United States wildly applauded for getting through whole speech without massive f**k up

THE President of the United States has managed to get through an entire speech without saying anything explicitly dangerous or obviously insane. 

Dog can’t wait for owners to come home and see what he’s done with the place

A PET dog cannot wait for his owners to come back so they can see how he has remodelled the house.