THE UK is buying in six weeks’ worth of groceries to get them through Easter Sunday when all supermarkets are closed.
THE only person in Britain who still does Lent is in the midst of a savage chocolate frenzy.
EASTER takes place a week before the end of March because Jesus was crucified very early this year 1,986 years ago.
THE UK has told the Queen it will celebrate her 90th birthday if she gives everyone a day off work.
THE title of the film Batman v Superman makes absolutely no sense to most people, it has been confirmed.
ISIS has tried and failed to issue a scary-sounding statement.
SPECIAL schools without pupils are being set up for troublemaker parents who just want to shout at teachers, the government has announced.
THE Easter Bunny has expressed shock and disgust that he's just some weird metaphor for sex.