Couple build eco-home powered by their shit-eating grins

A COUPLE are showing off their self-build eco-home, which is powered exclusively by their smug expressions.

Middle-class woman to give used crime novels to Cancer Research instead

THE backlash against Oxfam has hit new heights after a woman resolved to give a box of second-hand crime novels to Cancer Research instead.

Young people only going on Facebook to check up on parents

THE only reason people under 30 use Facebook is to monitor their parents' mid-life crises, it has emerged.

Only thing that causes cancer is fags, Britain tells scientists

SMOKING is the only thing that causes cancer and everything else is fine, Britain has told annoying scientists.

Reading Festival fans outraged that none of the bands are shit enough

ROCK fans have criticised the Reading Festival line-up for not including enough genuinely shit bands.

Couple prepare for grudging parody of romance

A HAPPY couple will celebrate their 10th Valentine’s Day by doing just about enough to make it to next year.

Petrol stations confirm they have plenty of horrible flowers

PETROL stations have stocked up on cheap, manky flowers in time for Valentine's Day.