News

Oh shit, say tube drivers

LONDON tube drivers have admitted that the game may be up.

Special milk is for special people

MILK alternatives made from soya, quinoa and flax are best suited to special people, it has been confirmed.

Councils to use ducking stools for benefit claimants

COUNCILS have started plunging unemployed people in rivers to see if they float, it has been confirmed.

All people thrown out of nightclubs were treated unfairly

EVERYONE who has ever been thrown out of a nightclub has confirmed it was not their fault.

Boar, what are they good for? ask officials

BOAR are good for absolutely nothing, according to councillors in the Forest of Dean.

Men's and women's brains equally empty

HUMAN brains are inefficient sacks of jelly regardless of gender, according to new research.

Bored humans running to the point of exhaustion

MILLIONS are running until their legs give out just for something to do.

Exquisitely groomed dog still likes to eat its own vomit sometimes

CRUFTS winner Ricky the poodle has said he just likes to do normal disgusting dog stuff.