News

Tosser policeman not going soft on cannabis

PC TOM Logan is determined to keep busting people for having tiny amounts of cannabis because he is a tosser.

European tour group being shown around your house

A GROUP of 20 European teenagers with backpacks is currently being given a guided tour of your home.

Grandad rings up for help deleting his Ashley Madison profile

YOUR grandfather has phoned up to get help deleting his profile from hacked sex contacts site Ashley Madison.

Neighbour celebrates 10 years of hammering the shit out of something

NEIGHBOURS of a man in Stevenage have confirmed that Roy Hobbs has completed 10 years of hammering the absolute shit out of something in his house.

Summer confirms ‘bold, original’ ending

SUMMER has decided to end suddenly for artistic reasons, it has confirmed.

Thanks Pixar, say little shits

EVIL children have thanked Pixar’s Inside Out for putting the blame on cartoon characters.

Sewel revelations ‘a tad vicarious’, confirm Britain’s older men

MILLIONS of older men have been nodding vigorously at the Lord Sewel sex and drugs scandal.

Increasingly evil and cunning seagulls open lettings agency

SEAGULLS have cemented their position as humanity’s arch-enemy by opening a lettings agency specialising in ‘luxury studio flats’.