LONDON tube drivers have admitted that the game may be up.
MILK alternatives made from soya, quinoa and flax are best suited to special people, it has been confirmed.
COUNCILS have started plunging unemployed people in rivers to see if they float, it has been confirmed.
EVERYONE who has ever been thrown out of a nightclub has confirmed it was not their fault.
BOAR are good for absolutely nothing, according to councillors in the Forest of Dean.
HUMAN brains are inefficient sacks of jelly regardless of gender, according to new research.
MILLIONS are running until their legs give out just for something to do.
CRUFTS winner Ricky the poodle has said he just likes to do normal disgusting dog stuff.