News

Woman launches campaign to ban microbeads after she’s finished her shower gel

A WOMAN has launched a campaign to ban microbeads as soon as she has finished a particularly expensive bottle of shower gel.

Man searching for emoji to convey existential despair

A MAN is having problems expressing his sense that life is an empty shout in a meaningless, howling void using only emojis.

Mums vow to keep you updated on people you barely knew at school

MUMS have renewed their pledge to keep phoning with news about people you didn’t really know at school.

16-year-old rapper writes song about giving up his life of crime

TEENAGE rapper Wayne Hayes has penned a song about how he is leaving behind his life of crime, it has emerged.

Queen very good at it, say experts

THE Queen is extremely good at being the Queen, it has been claimed. 

Liking mornings linked to being stupid

PEOPLE who are upbeat in the morning have extremely low intelligence, it has been confirmed.

Beyonce announces collaboration with Greggs

BEYONCE is working with Greggs on a range of pasties designed to empower women of all shapes and pasty-eating abilities.

Gallery visit sparks lifelong hatred of culture

A TEENAGER has vowed to shun anything of artistic value for the rest of his life.