Fairy ‘just delighted’ about tree up fanny

A CHRISTMAS tree fairy would rather not have a needle-covered branch right up her skirt, it has emerged.

The arguments for and against rail strikes

ARE train drivers right to strike, or are they just in a mood?

Northern Santa tells kids they’re getting nowt

A FATHER Christmas in Preston has informed children that they are getting ‘sod all’ because they have been ‘bad little buggers’. 

Queen's speech to highlight how much mad shit happened in 2016

THE theme of the Queen's Christmas message is how much mental shit has happened lately, it has been revealed.

Next Star Wars film about getting planning permission for Death Star

THE next Stars Wars film will show Darth Vader struggling to get planning permission for the Death Star.

Arse making a point of ignoring Christmas

A MAN will not stop telling people about his plans to do un-Christmassy things over Christmas.

Britons competing to be most concerned about their children’s futures

PARENTS feel they must prove their concern for their children’s futures by talking about it endlessly, it has emerged.

Commuters get to work quicker than usual by walking along Southern Rail tracks

SOUTHERN Rail victims have had a more efficient journey to work than normal by just walking along the tracks.