HEROIN users are criticising laws that the drug must be sold in plain black packaging with health warnings as the ‘nanny state gone mad’.
PRESIDENT Hillary Clinton in a parallel timeline is facing impeachment and criminal charges for wearing ugly shoes.
A MAN is unsure if the humorous travel book he has just read is of a high enough standard to qualify as lavatory reading.
A NEW bar will be called 'Pretentious Shithole' after the owners realised that is what most people will call it anyway.
ALL them foreign buggers is coming over here and having a bit of how's your father with our lovely poppets, according to Conservative members of the House of Lords.
THE UK towns with the best 'quality of life' all sound like stuck-up smugholes with a 'green' and an expensive butcher, Britain has agreed.
President of United States wildly applauded for getting through whole speech without massive f**k up
THE President of the United States has managed to get through an entire speech without saying anything explicitly dangerous or obviously insane.
A PET dog cannot wait for his owners to come back so they can see how he has remodelled the house.
- Sex education to be compulsory for people who are particularly bad at sex
- Latest 80s revival is man’s relationship with school girlfriend
- Elderly to be cared for by the china figurines they love so much, says government
- Londoner fascinated to hear about life in ‘the regions’
- Trump hiding from media 'like he owes them rent money'