Devil Woman is real, say Cliff Richard fans

SEX abuse allegations against Sir Cliff Richard are the result of a long-standing feud with Devil Woman, it has been claimed.

Scientists develop angst battery

PEOPLE will soon charge their phones using unhappiness, say scientists.

Man not like other men in lapdancing club

31-YEAR-OLD strip club visitor Wayne Hayes has condemned the other men there as perverts.

Plymouth ‘most expendable part of UK’

IT would not be a big a deal if Plymouth was destroyed in a nuclear explosion, according to the government.

Men warned over loom penis bands trend

THE trend for men wearing woven elastic bands around the penis is affecting male health, experts have warned.

Airlines admit their cockpits are full of weird shit

AIRLINES have urged passengers not to pry into what happens inside the cockpit once the door is closed.

Half-pint drinkers make plea for tolerance

PEOPLE ordering smaller glasses of beer have demanded an end to being ridiculed.

Word ‘class’ to be retired in Bacall’s honour

FOLLOWING the death of Hollywood star Lauren Bacall, the word ‘class’ is to be taken out of circulation.