News

Year Nine announce gains in war against enthusiastic new teacher

LEADERS of the Year Nine rebel insurgency have announced significant gains in its war against a keen new teacher.

Pigs insulted by vegetarian bacon

PIGS are disgusted with humans for pretending that vegetarian bacon made of rehydrated soya protein could compare to their delicious flesh.

Smokers reclaim rightful ownership of beer gardens

SMOKERS have reclaimed their rightful ownership of all outdoor territory surrounding pubs following a drop in temperature.

Grandma turns pantry into pimped-out Nan Cave

A GRANDMOTHER has 'pimped out' her kitchen pantry to make it into a full-on Nan Cave all the other pensioners in the crescent are jealous of.

Jammy millennial only spends 70 per cent of his salary on rent

A MILLENNIAL man is the envy of his peers after revealing he has an incredible 30 per cent of his monthly income left after paying his rent.

Woman seeing three men at once struggling with the admin

A WOMAN dating three different men simultaneously is finding it an organisational nightmare, she has confirmed.

We are cruising at 36,000ft and I hate these bastards even more than you do, announces Ryanair pilot

THE pilot of a Ryanair flight has announced that the plane is cruising at 36,000ft, that skies are clear all the way to Madrid, and that he hates his employer more than you ever could.

Experts unable to explain why anyone would buy bottled beer in a pub

EXPERTS cannot work out why anyone would buy a small, expensive bottle of beer in a pub.