News

Trump has already pressed fake nuclear button CIA gave him over a dozen times

DONALD Trump has nearly worn out the large fake red button that the CIA told him would set off nuclear weapons.

New Vogue editor to put more emphasis on air rifles and carp fishing

THE new editor of British Vogue intends to make it the number one magazine for air rifles and carp fishing, he has announced.

Piers Morgan favourite to win The Great British Twat Off

PIERS Morgan is currently the frontrunner in a new TV competition to find Britain’s biggest twat.

Trump begins wall that will ironically save Mexico

THE construction of a 2,000-mile long border wall that will ensure Mexico survives the total implosion of America begins today.

London now literally toxic as well as metaphorically

LONDON is now smothering its residents literally as well as metaphorically. 

Resident Evil 7 set in Michael Gove’s house

THE new Resident Evil game is a nerve-jangling journey into the terrifying world of Michael Gove, it has emerged.

Friend always having really shit business ideas

A MAN’S friends are sick of him telling them about money-making schemes that are either fatally flawed or already exist.

A month ago you were drunk by now

JUST one month ago you had already downed several glasses of Prosecco by this time, it has been confirmed.