News

Attractive middle class woman does not have cookery book out

A GOOD-LOOKING woman from a nice family has inexplicably failed to produce a cookery book.

Dodgy bastard who sold garage to Myleene Klass goes into hiding

THE shady figure who sold Myleene Klass a Catford garage for £2 million is refusing to discuss the deal.

Man faces pretending to like Ride all over again

A MAN in his thirties has expressed dismay at having to pretend to like 90s shoegaze band Ride for the second time.

Last ‘older-looking kid who buys porn for friends’ retires

THE UK’s last working porn-getter has retired.

Businesses warn fines for bad reviews will almost certainly catch on

BUSINESSES have warned they will be forced to start fining customers who complain.

New Cold War ‘will trigger tedious spy novels’

A NEW Cold War could result in hundreds of incomprehensible spy novels, experts have warned.

'Arm' removed from dictionary to make room for 'vape'

THE word 'arm' has been deleted from the Oxford English Dictionary to accommodate 'vape'.

Seal open to relationship outside his species

A SEAL has confirmed that he would be open to dating other types of animal if the chemistry was right.