News

UK deploys devastating infographics against militants

BRITAIN has launched a series of no-nonsense, testosterone-fuelled infographics against ISIS.

Britain celebrates ‘Sticking to Terms of Your Contract Day’

BRITAIN is celebrating that special day when you only work the hours you are paid to work.

Night tube to be even more terrifying than night bus

THE forthcoming all-night London Underground services will be even scarier than night buses, according to Boris Johnson.

Three in five Tesco stores are overgrown ruins

SIXTY per cent of Tesco stores are roofless wrecks inhabited by tribes of feral monkeys, auditors have found.

 

Queen still very sexual

HER Majesty the Queen has the sexual energy of a young Michelle Pfeiffer, it has been confirmed.

Claiming to like Aphex Twin makes comeback

MUSIC fans are pretending to enjoy the challenging electronica of Aphex Twin for the first time since the 1990s.

Original ideas banned

ALL creative works must now be based on something else, it has been announced.

Morgan Freeman to play wise old man in movie to be decided later

MORGAN Freeman has agreed to appear in a wise, solemn but twinkling role in a film yet to be conceived.