Consumers of dairy-free cheese need to realise it's total bullshit

THE people buying and eating dairy-free cheese need to give it up, it has been confirmed.

Middle-class mum radicalised by John Lewis

FRIENDS of a middle-class mother of two are concerned at her increasingly extreme pro-John Lewis views.

Trump loves pizza, says Dr Oetker

DONALD Trump is in fine, thin-crust-loving shape, according to Dr Oetker.

National service re-introduced for Youtubers

COMPULSORY military service has been brought back for young people who have a large following on YouTube.

Hinkley Point nuclear plant given go-ahead because 'it's only near Bristol'

THE government has approved the building of a nuclear power station at Hinkley Point because if anything should go wrong it only affects Bristol.

‘Making memories’ not always a good thing, Facebook idiots learn

IDIOTS on Facebook are beginning to realise that memories are not only made by happy occasions but painful and humiliating ones.

Lack of ‘Brexit effects’ proves Brexit has not yet happened

THE lack of any ‘Brexit effect’ in employment, the stock market and the wider UK economy proves that Brexit is yet to take place, say experts.

Cameron arranges nightmarish midweek pint with Jamie Oliver and twat from Blur

DAVID Cameron is planning to go to the pub tonight with Jamie Oliver and that cheese twat from Blur, Britons have been warned.