News

Beer now insanely delicious

BEER has reached a level of insane deliciousness, it has been confirmed.

52 per cent of Britons don’t believe in moon landings and that number sounds familiar, say experts

52 per cent of the UK does not believe the moon landings happened, and that is not the first time that number has made headlines recently.

Pasty Britons in desperate 48-hour race to get tan

THE pasty people of Britain have just two days to expose their bodies to enough sunlight to last for the other 363 days.

Economic growth is bollocks and we don’t need it, say Brexiters

BRITAIN’S reduced economic growth forecast means the whole concept is probably bollocks, Brexit supporters have explained.

Weather reassures parents it will be shit again for the holidays

THE UK’s weather has reassured anxious parents it will return to raining solidly for their upcoming fortnight away.

Supermarket accidentally stocks proper book

A SUPERMARKET chain has apologised after exposing its customers to a book that was not an action thriller or idiotic historical romance.

‘No, I am not in the f**king garden,’ says home worker

A MAN who works from home has reiterated for the eighth time today that he is not sitting in the garden.  

Heatwave sees huge rise in whingeing gits

THE heatwave currently hitting Britain has led to a huge rise in people moaning about it.