News

Reading Festival charging £10 for bottle of throwing urine

MUSIC fans say high prices at Reading are making it impossible to shower acts in urine.

Carnival offers annual opportunity to trash Notting Hill

NON-RESIDENTS of Notting Hill are looking forward to this year’s chance to destroy the affluent London borough with impunity.

Everything in world related to friend’s trip to Thailand

A 21 year-old woman has managed to link every event of the last week to her backpacking trip to Thailand.

John Lewis like a wrathful god

THE omnipotent John Lewis has descended from the heavens to stop customers taking the piss with free cakes.

Dawkins now just telling random strangers why he hates them

RICHARD Dawkins has taken to walking down the street saying horrible, unprovoked things to total strangers.

Chris Martin’s dad a bit too keen on Jennifer Lawrence

THE father of Coldplay’s Chris Martin keeps asking when he’s going to bring his new girlfriend home.

Middle classes ask if they can stop shopping at Aldi now

THE middle class shoppers who switched to budget supermarkets have wondered if they can switch back soon.

Swans to replace Trident

AGGRESSIVE swans like those terrorising tourists on the river Cam are to replace Britain’s nuclear arsenal.