EVERYONE who has ever been thrown out of a nightclub has confirmed it was not their fault.
BOAR are good for absolutely nothing, according to councillors in the Forest of Dean.
HUMAN brains are inefficient sacks of jelly regardless of gender, according to new research.
MILLIONS are running until their legs give out just for something to do.
CRUFTS winner Ricky the poodle has said he just likes to do normal disgusting dog stuff.
BRAWLING is the most effective way to shed excess weight, according to doctors.
THE creator of Bitcoin has been revealed as a mere mortal who cannot dispense hearts, brains or courage.
GROWN-UPS should stop expecting to be treated as if they are special once a year, it has been claimed.
- Dinosaurs totally made up for benefit of toy industry
- Nationalism continues to make everything brilliant
- Being a careers advisor 'should disqualify you from giving careers advice'
- Sugar definitely worst thing say same people who said it was definitely fat
- Stonehenge was early version of school music cupboard