THE Daily Mail will never get over the novelty of privately educated people making bad decisions, it has been confirmed.
PEOPLE who have yet to watch Adam Curtis's Bitter Lake have been banned from expressing views on anything.
LAST night's Academy Awards featured an emotional tribute to the dire cinematic fodder that keeps the industry going.
LOCAL council chief Tom Logan has responded to criticism of his immense salary by confirming he is one lucky mediocre bastard.
THE UK is locked in argument about who was the first person to realise that Blur were the most loathsome band ever.
The Daily Telegraph makes no apology for the way it has treated irritants claiming we are beholden to our advertisers, just as the Canesten range treats irritation quickly and effectively.
SCI-FI film franchises will continue for thousands of years after every person currently living has passed away, Hollywood has confirmed.
NEWSREADER Jon Snow has told friends that he has become a crack addict for a documentary, despite not appearing to be followed by cameras.