News

Middle class alcohol 'less alcoholic than all other alcohol'

GETTING drunk while looking after your children is fine if you are drinking Chablis rather than WKD, it has been confirmed.

Nuclear pissing contest between weird-haired f**knuts how Earth always wanted to go

THE Earth has confirmed that it always saw itself going out in an argument about penis size between two idiots with f**ked-up hair.

Work is better than all that bank holiday bullshit, confirms Britain

BEING back at work is a welcome break from four days of weird relatives and children’s nonsense, it has been confirmed.

Woman unsure if she is meditating or just bored

A WOMAN who recently took up meditation cannot tell if she has reached a higher spiritual plane or is just incredibly bored.

This part of Brexit movie will be a montage, says director

BREXIT is currently in the part of the film where nothing will happen for a while so it will all be put together as a montage set to music, it has been confirmed.

Easter eggs about a tenth the size you remember, confirm experts

MODERN Easter eggs are barely two disappointing mouthfuls, adults have complained.

Sunny weather fills local park with dickheads

THE recent sunny weather has lead to a sharp increase in dickheads going to the park.

City trader who works 18 hours a day thinks he's 'a winner'

A MAN who works in a high level city job and gets four hours sleep a night considers his life a success.