News

Self-employed builder makes bid for Carillion contracts

A SELF-EMPLOYED builder who owns his own lorry has bid for Carillion’s prison, hospital, school and Ministry of Defence contracts.  

Today most depressing day of year, says scientist disgusted at what he’s become

TODAY is officially the most depressing day of the year, according to a scientist degrading himself by concocting media bullshit.

'This is a witch hunt' says man who would have happily burnt women at stake 400 years ago

MEN are being subjected to a witch hunt according to a man who would have burnt a woman at the stake 400 years ago for turning down his sexual advances.

The days are getting longer, confirm cheerful twats

PEOPLE who insist the days are getting longer are leaving a trail of psychological destruction across Britain.

'Bring back British hand swearing'

THE traditional British V-sign is being undermined by the transatlantic 'middle finger' type of hand abuse, it has been claimed.

Man tells usual Friday lie about not spending entire weekend playing videogames

A 28-YEAR-OLD has once again pretended he has genuine plans for the weekend.

Stressed workaholic finds plenty of time to tell you about it

A MAN who is constantly 'up to his eyes' in work always has an hour free to complain about just hard he is working, it has emerged.

I have always been an eco-warrior, by Theresa May

I HAVE always been a passionate supporter of the environment. Trees, ditches, wasps – these are all truly wonderful nature things.