News

Convertible drivers sick of it now

OWNERS of open-top cars are secretly aware that the novelty has worn off.

BMW 4 x 4 openly marketed to pricks

BMW'S jeep-type thing is being openly advertised as a vehicle for pricks.

Mark E Smith named as X Factor judge

THE Fall frontman Mark E Smith is to replace Nicole Scherzinger in the next series of The X Factor.

Glaswegians warned to stop partying now

THE Commonwealth Games closing celebrations are still going, will DJs playing increasingly hard techno.

84 per cent think WW1 was fought against Martians

MOST Britons think World War One involved extraterrestrials in massive tripods, it has emerged.

British and German holidaymakers joint worst, says rest of Europe

EUROPE has ended the argument about whether British or German holidaymakers are the worst by confirming that they both are.

National Orgasm Day followed by National Avoiding Eye-Contact Day

THE celebration of National Orgasm Day has been followed by a day of changing the subject, turning over and pretending to go to sleep.

Scotland bursting at seams with dreary show-offs

SCOTLAND has been overwhelmed by boring, self-obsessed people with something to prove.