Woman sacked for not liking lattes

A WOMAN has been sacked for failing to embrace coffee culture.

Last man to say ‘Northern powerhouse’ unironically dies

THE only man who still believed that government initiatives would turn Barnsley into Europe’s answer to Palo Alto has died.

Apple launches smaller, more energy-efficient factory worker

TECHNOLOGY giant Apple has unveiled a new kind of production line worker that only needs feeding every other day.

Everyone on bus writing status updates about each other

EVERYONE on the bus into work today was writing a status update or tweet about another passenger, it has emerged.

Man thinks sex might actually improve friendship

A MAN is confident that having sex with a close female friend would be a sensible move for both parties.

Flowers pissed off about being back at work

THE arrival of spring has left Britain’s flowers feeling miserable about returning to work, they have revealed.

Northern couple on Tube don’t know how to get off

A HUSBAND and wife from Yorkshire have been stuck on the London underground for more than two weeks.

Man who washes car deeply suspicious of man who doesn’t

A MAN who hand-washes his car every weekend believes there is something fundamentally wrong with his next-door neighbour, who does not.