Hillary Clinton's new book titled 'How I F**ked Up'

HILLARY Clinton has written a new memoir explaining how she managed to deliver the world’s greatest superpower into the hands of a drooling orangutan. 

We're off on holiday now, say lucky child-free bastards

PEOPLE lucky enough not to have children are now taking their significantly cheaper and quieter off-season breaks, they have confirmed. 

Someone has brought a sodding dog into office

SOMEONE has brought a sodding dog into the office, according to numerous reports.

Boris to help Irma relief effort by dangling from last remaining electricity cable in Anguilla

BORIS Johnson has flown to the hurricane disaster zone to dangle from the last remaining electricity cable under British control in the Caribbean.

Man confirms ownership of girlfriend with expensive bracelet

A MAN has taken formal ownership of his girlfriend by buying her an expensive bracelet.

Nation unsure if it can accept same-sex couples on show about ballroom dancing

FANS of BBC show Strictly Come Dancing are unsure whether they could accept single-sex couples doing something as deeply heterosexual as ballroom dancing.

Outrage over TV programme that was just people dressing up in Nazi uniforms

THERE has been widespread outcry after it emerged that an 80s television programme was mostly just people dressing up as Nazis.

Man celebrates joining middle class by ordering sparkling water rather than tap

A FORMER working class man has marked his move to the middle class by ordering sparkling water, not tap, in a restaurant.