Nerd wrongly assumed to know about computers

A SELF-STYLED ’nerd’ is unable to fix computers, he has confirmed.

Scientists discover element of pure stupidity

RESEARCHERS have discovered the pure atomic essence of stupidity.

Renaissance painting ‘like night out in Manchester’

THE Massacre of the Innocents by Jacopo Tintoretto has gone viral after people noticed its similarity to a night on the tiles in Northern England.

Zuckerberg does not have too much money, says his new ‘robot butler’

MARK Zuckerberg has unveiled a robot servant that will continually reassure him he is not obscenely rich.

Son becomes head of family after eating most food over Christmas

A SON has toppled his father as head of the family after eating more than him over the festive season.

Uber driver still trying to get man home from New Year’s Eve party

AN UBER driver has still not managed to complete a journey which began in the early hours of 2016.

Britain returns to pretending to work

BRITAIN'S workers have returned to staring purposefully at their screens for eight hours.

Man’s gift wrapping attempt injures 14

FOURTEEN people have been injured by a man's attempt to wrap Christmas presents.