THE government has introduced compulsory Masterchef participation for benefits claimants.
BRITONS have confirmed that they have no interest in touching the royal family.
PRE-SCHOOL children and men in midlife crisis are unable to stop talking about the bikes they are getting for Christmas.
YOUR brother-in-law has previewed his feeble excuses for driving drunk over the festive season.
THE pathetic obsession with posh people is caused by a desire to perform menial tasks for the upper classes, it has emerged.
A GROUP of 13-year-olds has revealed plans to get wasted this Christmas by eating a lot of chocolate liqueurs.
THE organisers of a UK moon landing have strenuously denied that it is an excuse to drink lager in space.
MCDONALD’S has revealed that its nuggets contain locally-sourced boy.