News

Page collapsed because Prince Philip drained too much of his blood

THE page boy who fainted during the Queen's speech had been weakened by Prince Philip's vampiric tendencies.

Teens being too soft for WW2 ‘not a massive problem’

THE fact that most young people would struggle to cope in World War Two may not be a problem, it has emerged.

Britain delighted with Queen’s latest waving box

BRITAIN has congratulated the Queen on her new mobile box, with windows big enough so we can see her lovely hands.

15,000 horny morons at risk from virus

THOUSANDS of randy, stupid computer owners are at risk from a virus attached to obviously fraudulent emails.

SNP fury as Met Office claims Scottish weather not very nice

SCOTTISH nationalists have reacted with fury after a Met Office study found the country’s weather was really quite unpleasant.

Army to weaponise food allergies

THE army has developed new weapons exploiting the food intolerances of enemy soldiers.

Boss thinks it's probably time to bollock everyone

SENIOR manager Tom Booker is going to shout at his team because he feels obliged to bollock them regularly.

Punk not as important as former punk thinks

PUNK was far less important than ex-punk Tom Logan likes to think, it has emerged.