Man doesn’t realise first date was secret panel interview

A MAN does not realise that everything he said on a first date was vetted via text message by a select panel of his date’s friends.

First black Britons chose to become white because it’s better, say racists

RACISTS have argued that the black Britons from the Mesolithic period changed to be white because it is better, and more should follow their example.

Colleague with no children who took three holidays last year thinks he’s close to burnout

A SINGLE man with no responsibilities and lots of disposable income believes he is more stressed than everyone else in his office.

It's too late to plan a romantic Valentine's Day so you've fucked up, say experts

IF you have not yet planned Valentine’s Day for your loved one, you have already fucked up and they will know it, experts have confirmed.

Cheese tells newly arrived vegetables they will end up in the bin

A BLOCK of cheddar has told the fresh ingredients for a healthy meal they will be ignored for two weeks before going in the bin.

Women can now eat crisps

WOMEN are finally able to eat crisps with their delicate lady mouths thanks to the launch of a female-friendly version of the popular snack.

Grandmother doing whatever the f**k she wants 

A GRANDMOTHER has confirmed that she has reached an age where socially accepted standards of behaviour no longer apply to her.

Man who wants to know if you can still pay women a compliment would never pay a woman a compliment

A MAN outraged about potentially having a comment misconstrued is in no danger of it ever happening.