Female body hair ‘may stop women meeting twats’

FEMALE body hair is a massive turn-off for virgins, shallow narcissists and picky twats, it has emerged.

Game of Thrones to kill off several major fans

THE next season of Game of Thrones will see the death of some of the programme's biggest fans.

Stupid upper class 'being excluded from factories and call centres'

STUPID, privately educated people are being sidelined from low wage jobs, it has emerged.

Magna Carta ‘not as good as latest Prince George photos'

THE Magna Carta is shit compared to the latest photos of Prince George, it has been agreed.

Jurassic World not accurate, says tedious little man

JURASSIC World’s portrayal of the Ankylosaurus, has been criticised by a dreary man.

Philae was distracted by female comet landers

THE comet lander 'Philae' lost contact with Earth because it was too busy looking at lady comet landers.

Popular music goes into reverse

POP music has finished and will now be run backwards, with acid house due to return in 2042 and the Beatles reforming in 2060.

Queen's new car has gun mounted on it

THE Queen’s new open-topped  Range Rover has a machine gun on the rear at her personal request.