ANYONE using faux-medieval phrases like 'Methinks' or 'good Sir' is to be given medieval punishments like the rack and the Iron Maiden.
A PHOTO of Kim Kardashian extending her buttocks has destroyed the very essence of what it is to be human.
VEGETARIANS are developing 'pulled' versions of their idea of food.
RACISTS feel it is now socially acceptable to just come straight out with it.
LANDING a robot on a comet is objectively amazing and anyone who disagrees must be shunned, experts have confirmed.
UNPAID workers spend most of their time imagining how vile they will be to other interns once they get promoted, it has emerged.
BRITAIN’S sleazy men have confirmed that they are just performing as their amusingly ribald alter egos.
BRITAIN’S banks are in their 36th year of unbroken criminality, it has been confirmed.