OWNERS of open-top cars are secretly aware that the novelty has worn off.
BMW'S jeep-type thing is being openly advertised as a vehicle for pricks.
THE Fall frontman Mark E Smith is to replace Nicole Scherzinger in the next series of The X Factor.
THE Commonwealth Games closing celebrations are still going, will DJs playing increasingly hard techno.
MOST Britons think World War One involved extraterrestrials in massive tripods, it has emerged.
EUROPE has ended the argument about whether British or German holidaymakers are the worst by confirming that they both are.
THE celebration of National Orgasm Day has been followed by a day of changing the subject, turning over and pretending to go to sleep.
SCOTLAND has been overwhelmed by boring, self-obsessed people with something to prove.