News

Parallel universe Brian Coxes are cooler and more famous

THE Brian Cox of Earth-161 has confirmed that the multiverse is real and our Brian Cox is a loser.

Anything bends if you f**k about with it enough, says Apple

APPLE has admitted its new iPhone will bend if you are determined to bend it.

Pony does not really see himself as meat

WILD pony Tom Logan has revealed ambitions other than becoming pie filling.

UK deploys devastating infographics against militants

BRITAIN has launched a series of no-nonsense, testosterone-fuelled infographics against ISIS.

Britain celebrates ‘Sticking to Terms of Your Contract Day’

BRITAIN is celebrating that special day when you only work the hours you are paid to work.

Night tube to be even more terrifying than night bus

THE forthcoming all-night London Underground services will be even scarier than night buses, according to Boris Johnson.

Three in five Tesco stores are overgrown ruins

SIXTY per cent of Tesco stores are roofless wrecks inhabited by tribes of feral monkeys, auditors have found.

 

Queen still very sexual

HER Majesty the Queen has the sexual energy of a young Michelle Pfeiffer, it has been confirmed.