News

Facebook told to piss off with this 'Friendversary' thing 


FACEBOOK needs to stop telling people how long they have been friends on Facebook, because no-one gives a shit, it has been confirmed.

Whatever happened to nunchucks? asks Britain

THE number of nunchucks in British homes is at its lowest level since the 1960s, according to new research.

Average person spends 10 years reading idiots’ opinions online

AN AVERAGE person aged between 25 and 45 has spent a full decade reading the opinions of complete idiots on the internet, researchers have found.

Scientists discover homeopaths also make shitty, weak tea

TEA made by homeopaths does not actually contain any active tea ingredients, a study has shown.

Christ, that bloke off Casualty gets shitloads, says Britain

THE UK had no idea that him off Casualty, the one who’s been in it for years, took it home in a f**king wheelbarrow.

HS2 to go directly through angry Yorkshireman’s living room

THE new HS2 route will pass directly through a Doncaster man’s living room, between the TV and the sofa, every 30 minutes.

Channel 5 reveals salaries of both its staff

CHANNEL Five has revealed the salaries of the woman who chooses the programmes and the man who pixelates the breasts.

Metropolitan types clearly shitting it in country pub

A GROUP of London media types are having an absolute nightmare in a rural pub, it has been revealed.