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Mysterious Siberian craters would be awesome rave venue, confirm scientists

RESEARCHERS have discovered huge craters in Siberia that would be perfect for a rave.

Binge drinkers ‘most intelligent and sensitive’

BINGE drinkers are highly sensitive intellectuals coping with the inherent pain of human existence, it has emerged.

Rolf Harris stripped of Stylophone

ROLF Harris has been stripped of his honorary Stylophone.

Middle class person has not seen War Horse play

A MEMBER of the middle class has admitted not having seen the stage version of Warhorse.

Daily Mail still surprised that people who went to public school can f*ck up

THE Daily Mail will never get over the novelty of privately educated people making bad decisions, it has been confirmed.

Opinions restricted to those who have seen new Adam Curtis film

PEOPLE who have yet to watch Adam Curtis's Bitter Lake have been banned from expressing views on anything.

Oscars ceremony includes moving tribute to shit films

LAST night's Academy Awards featured an emotional tribute to the dire cinematic fodder that keeps the industry going.

Overpaid council boss refreshingly open about it

LOCAL council chief Tom Logan has responded to criticism of his immense salary by confirming he is one lucky mediocre bastard.