Bill Turnbull revealed as Tory mole

BBC Breakfast host Bill Turnbull is a right-wing agent provocateur sent to discredit the corporation, it has emerged.

Woman in Quiet Zone expects deathly silence for entire journey

A WOMAN travelling in a train’s ‘quiet zone’ has declared the entire journey must be spent in a deathly, mausoleum-like silence.

Infidelity websites lead to sex with middle aged people who cry a lot

ADULTERY websites lead to hassle, paranoia and sex with sad middle aged people who keep bursting into tears.

Just keep having babies, Britain tells Royals

THE Royal family can be as fascist as it wants, as long as it keeps producing lovely babies, it has been agreed.

Brighton to become the UK’s first ‘twats only’ town

UNBEARABLY smug seaside twat haven Brighton is to ban ordinary people.

Queen reiterates opposition to Nazi genocide

THE Queen has made it clear that she has never been in favour of the Holocaust.

Nation to be weaned off Percy Pigs

MARKS & Spencer is set to replace Percy Pigs with methadone at its tills.

Australian celebrates punching a shark with can of surprisingly weak lager

AN Australian surfer has celebrated beating a shark in a fight by drinking a tin of weak, fizzy beer.