RESEARCHERS have discovered huge craters in Siberia that would be perfect for a rave.
BINGE drinkers are highly sensitive intellectuals coping with the inherent pain of human existence, it has emerged.
ROLF Harris has been stripped of his honorary Stylophone.
A MEMBER of the middle class has admitted not having seen the stage version of Warhorse.
THE Daily Mail will never get over the novelty of privately educated people making bad decisions, it has been confirmed.
PEOPLE who have yet to watch Adam Curtis's Bitter Lake have been banned from expressing views on anything.
LAST night's Academy Awards featured an emotional tribute to the dire cinematic fodder that keeps the industry going.
LOCAL council chief Tom Logan has responded to criticism of his immense salary by confirming he is one lucky mediocre bastard.