News

Arseholes confused about God’s plan for homosexuals

RELIGIOUS homophobes are unclear about why God is letting HIV become less infectious.

It’s not our fault, say large TVs

LARGE television sets have condemned their media portrayal as icons of consumerist stupidity.

Victoria’s Secret models all nerds at school or some bullshit

THE ridiculously good-looking lingerie models of Victoria’s Secret have confirmed that they were all quiet loners at school.

Hand-dyed, loom spun, artisan selvedge denim jeans still look quite like Jeremy Clarkson’s

A HUGELY expensive pair of bespoke jeans still resembles those worn by a Top Gear presenter, it has emerged.

Stonehenge tunnel will be mystical, Clegg tells druids

NICK Clegg has pledged that the Stonehenge road tunnel will be a very mystical experience.

All drug-related crime ‘basically the same as Breaking Bad’

ANY real-life situation involving illegal drugs is like something out of Breaking Bad, according to newspaper editors.

Intrepid daredevil spurns travel insurance

A FEARLESS adventurer has stunned friends by venturing overseas with scant regard for lost luggage or flight delays.

Star Wars VII will be mostly black screen and Andy Serkis voiceover

STAR Wars: The Force Awakens will be 33 per cent black screen with Andy Serkis intoning portentous statements.