News

Daily Mail ready to impregnate you

THE DAILY Mail has assured its female readers that it will make them pregnant if they are still childless by 35.

Greece declared fictional

GREECE is not a real place and its debts were just a dream all along, it has been agreed.

Chris Evans combing through giant address book of knobheads

NEW Top Gear presenter Chris Evans is trying to decide which of his sycophantic pals will join him as co-presenters.

Horrified Duran Duran realise they're still going

DURAN Duran have described their horror at realising they forgot to disband 20 years ago.

Hippies have ruined my reputation, says Stonehenge

STONEHENGE is sick of being linked with hippies and wants to rebrand itself as a destination for cool people.

Potential jihadist 'cured' by Littlejohn

A BRITISH teenager has changed his mind about joining ISIS after reading an opinion piece by Richard Littlejohn.

Woman putting random shit in food to 'perk it up'

A WOMAN believes that adding random ingredients to food makes it better and more exotic.

'Highly intelligent' missile still desperate to annihilate something

A NEW 'intelligent' missile is unwilling to contemplate non-missile career options, it has emerged.