News

Boris unveils latest obvious solution

BORIS Johnson has unveiled his newest idea that could not possibly go wrong.

Call of Duty coming true

CALL of Duty: Modern Warfare, which involves Russian ultranationalists sparking a civil war, is happening on the world stage.

Moleskine notebooks best for unfinished ideas

MOLESKINE notebooks are perfect for creative projects that will never be completed, according to aspiring writers.

Everyone to get gold object

ANY person with a job is to be given a gold object and lots of attention, it has emerged.

UK most at risk from sexy women, says GCHQ

BRITAIN'S surveillance agency has revealed plans to gather more data on naturally buxom females.

Dolly Parton to play '9 to 5' chorus for an hour at Glastonbury

DOLLY Parton has been contracted to play just the bit of 9 to 5 that everyone knows for the duration of her Glastonbury set.  

Northern Lights caused by gay marriage

THE Northern Lights are a sign that God approves of gay marriage, according to pro-European Christians.

No good chocolate bars since 1981

EVERY chocolate bar invented since the Wispa has been either uninspired or disgusting, it has emerged.