BBC pins hopes on soup

THE BBC has unveiled plans for a programme where people make soup in a tent.

World’s lowest-paid DJ revealed

A 33-YEAR-OLD man has been revealed as the world’s lowest-paid DJ.

Hillary long, long dead

US PRESIDENTIAL candidate Hillary Clinton has confirmed that she originally died in 2004, and has returned many times since.

Southern Britain goes all fancy and continental in heatwave

ONE day of unexpected hot weather has transformed Southern Britons into languid continental-style sensualists.

Keeping cannabis illegal ‘sends important message that you can ignore laws if you want’

THE government is keeping cannabis illegal to send a message that you can pick and choose which laws to obey, it has confirmed.

Middle class grandparents demand ridiculous ‘original’ nicknames

A PAIR of middle class grandparents have confirmed that names like 'granny' and 'grandad' are too boring for people as unique and special as them.

Black pudding and haggis hybrid escapes from high security butchers

A THING that is both black pudding and haggis has escaped from a high security butcher’s shop.

Man in favour of more competition doesn’t realise he would be f**ked

A MAN who supports grammar schools and other forms of competition in life is unaware he would fail spectacularly under those arrangements.