News

One person in three on cusp of diabetes and eating Snickers

A THIRD of the UK on the edge of developing Type II diabetes then went ahead and got it.

Gamers thrilled by space marine dwarf

GAMERS have praised a new X-Box game that fuses science fiction bullshit with Tolkein bullshit.

Man buys more than one item from farmers’ market

SHOPPERS claim to have seen a man buy two things at a farmers’ market.

Britain thanks inventor of videotape

BRITAIN has today paid tribute to the inventors of the videotape that was used to record Rik Mayall.

Men with sports cars to use £10k speeding fine as new penis measure

MEN who define themselves with fast cars have pledged to become the first of their ilk to get a £10,000 speeding fine.

Pimm’s voted best drink with vegetables floating in it

SUMMER favourite Pimm’s has once again been named as best alcoholic drink with chunks of vegetable in it.

Schools to teach values, awareness and maybe some maths and English

BRITAIN’S schools are to focus on the key subjects of values, awareness and cultural identity.

Computers now capable of ill-informed opinions

A COMPUTER programme has mimicked a human conversation by ignoring what the other person said and spouting hackneyed, tabloid nonsense.