News

Woman leaves house to give her cat some space

A WOMAN has gone on a shopping trip so her pet cat can enjoy a bit of alone time, she has admitted.

‘Dry January’ date drives both parties back to hard liquor

A MAN and woman who attempted a first date while sober now drink to forget how unbearably awkward it was, they have confirmed.

Trump in battle with hobo Trump

PRESIDENT Trump is locked in a vicious battle with Steve Bannon, his former chief strategist and shambolic, rail-riding alter-ego.

BBC using seven different Attenboroughs

THE BBC has a roster of seven different David Attenboroughs they edit together to make his programmes, they have admitted.

Posh boss casually admits he has never been to the North

A PUBLIC-SCHOOL educated boss has casually admitted that in his 43 years he has never visited the North of Britain.

Arsehole has strange need to outdo whatever you've just said

A MAN cannot listen to a harmless anecdote or mildly amusing comment without trying to do better, it has been confirmed.

No, I was the mate of the idiot president before this one, says Blair

TONY Blair has explained that he was mates with the halfwit president who invaded Iraq, not this butterscotch-whirl-haired knobhead.

Jeremy Hunt’s guide to surviving the NHS

GOING to hospital? That’s your right as a British citizen, until further notice, but before you step past the smokers at the doors you should know what the risks are.