News

Men warned over loom penis bands trend

THE trend for men wearing woven elastic bands around the penis is affecting male health, experts have warned.

Airlines admit their cockpits are full of weird shit

AIRLINES have urged passengers not to pry into what happens inside the cockpit once the door is closed.

Half-pint drinkers make plea for tolerance

PEOPLE ordering smaller glasses of beer have demanded an end to being ridiculed.

Word ‘class’ to be retired in Bacall’s honour

FOLLOWING the death of Hollywood star Lauren Bacall, the word ‘class’ is to be taken out of circulation.

Royals ‘not held to normal standards of amusingness’

THE Royal family does not have to try as hard as ordinary people to be considered funny, it has been claimed.

A Level students reassured that it's all bollocks

STUDENTS getting exam results have been reassured that even if they did less well than hoped, the whole thing is a load of bollocks.

Maths is no place for a woman, claim Pi and the square root of two

WORKING with complex numbers is tough, dirty and should only be done by men, according to some of the universe’s leading mathematical constants.

Police to be trained in not f*cking things up

THE police are to receive training in how to get on with solving crimes rather than just f*cking things up.