PRIMARK will be one of the zones in the new live version of The Crystal Maze, it has been announced.
EMERGENCY water conservation measures are being implemented in the South East just to show Northerners how much better it is down there.
BRITONS are coldly assessing the value of friends and relatives to decide what quality of Christmas card they should receive, it has emerged.
THE UK now has 36,402,339 different social classes, all of which can be detected and categorised in a face-to-face meeting in less than a minute.
A MAN has argued that his grey jumper counts as a Christmas jumper because that is what Christmas feels like.
AN EPIDEMIC of Pandora bracelets is pushing women’s arms to breaking point, doctors have warned.
A MAN who prides himself on being able to detect ‘bullshit’ believes some incredibly stupid things.
DONALD Trump has accused Islam of ‘f**king up his once beautiful head of hair’.
- Family wrong to assume they could amuse themselves during power cut
- Man pretending exercise regime not about getting laid
- Britain to think about strengthening flood defences if it rains again next year
- You’re not even in our top five worries, Londoners tell extremists
- Lightweight drinkers unveil plans to humiliate themselves