News

Mild cheese not cheese, say experts

CHEESE which is weaker than ‘medium’ is an abomination, experts have confirmed.

Short men to spend day thinking about being short

SHORT men have confirmed plans to spend the day contemplating their small stature.

Coachload of annoying British schoolchildren arrives in Calais

A COACH packed with British children has arrived in Calais, where they are being right little bastards.

Man witnesses the death of music for, like, the ninth time

A 35 year-old man has declared that music is dead, for what he reckons is probably the ninth time.

Walking Dead Season 7 to show characters finding safe place that subsequently becomes unsafe

THE new season of The Walking Dead involves a moment of hope followed by yet another gruelling journey, it has been revealed.

Britain ‘mystified’ more seven-year-old children haven’t made unaccompanied 2,300 mile journey from Syria

MILLIONS of Britons are surprised at how few seven-year-old refugees have journeyed alone across the whole of Europe.

Shots are not a round, say experts

SHOTS do not count as a round of drinks, expert drinkers have agreed.

We will abolish the monarchy if we hear one kind word about immigrants, says Sun

THE SUN has confirmed that if the Queen dares breathe one compassionate word about immigrants she is fucking gone.