News

Man who will only drink 'craft' beer having cereal for tea again

A MAN who refuses to drink non-craft beer is having cereal for his tea again tonight, it has been revealed.

North reminded once again that it supposedly loves brass bands

NORTHERNERS are once again being confronted with the brass bands they are supposed to enjoy in every town and shopping centre.

Friends have no idea how to comfort woman who doesn't drink

FRIENDS of a woman going through a personal crisis have no idea how to help her without using alcohol.

'Limited edition' products guaranteed to attract twats

ANYTHING ‘limited edition’, whether a sports car or a Snickers, attracts the high-spending twat demographic like moths to a flame, marketers have confirmed.

Health experts confirm smug coffee drinking bastards were right

EVANGELISTS for the wonders of coffee have become even more intolerable after scientists confirmed it is good for your health.

Milton Keynes told to ditch European Capital of Culture bid but not because of Brexit

MILTON Keynes has been advised its European Capital of Culture bid would be unsuccessful even if Britain stayed in the EU and paid £350m a day.

Shops think you want a Christmas sandwich

SUPERMARKETS are convinced that customers want unpleasant Christmas sandwiches that are a mockery of festive food, it has emerged.

‘Intuitive’ woman able to sense the incredibly obvious

A WOMAN believes she has a gift for ‘reading’ social situations that are completely obvious to everyone, she has revealed.