News

Colds and flu not even vaguely similar

PEOPLE with colds who claim to have the flu have been reminded that the two things are entirely f*cking different.

Petri dish goes viral

A PETRI dish has become the centre of attention after developing a new strain of thymosin-derived ACT1 peptide.

Europe to review transporting fire in lorries

EUROPEAN authorities may ban the importation of fire in unsecured lorries after the Channel tunnel incident.

Highlands travellers warned against sheltering in wrong pub

DRIVERS in Scotland have been warned against sheltering from icy conditions in isolated pubs where they are likely to be murdered.

Richest one per cent own 98 per cent of ridiculous gaudy shit

THE world’s super-rich own almost all of the world’s hideous fancy things, it has emerged.

Google Glass withdrawal huge blow for dickheads

COMPLETE tools who want the whole world to know it are protesting the withdrawal of Google Glass.

Definitive link found between money and happiness

SCIENTISTS have proven once and for all that happiness can be bought with sufficient money.

Racist struggling to draw swastikas

AN ILLITERATE white supremacist still believes in his genetic superiority even though he is unable to correctly draw a swastika.