News

Newly arrived Spanish waiter pleased with by-election result

A SPANISH waiter, newly arrived in the UK, has said the Richmond Park by-election result has given him a sense of hope and relief.

Owning a National Lottery account worse than having it hacked

YOUR life is already in serious trouble if you have a National Lottery account regardless of whether it gets hacked, experts believe.

Cafe puts on Fairport Convention to drive out hipsters

A CAFE has started playing Fairport Convention to encourage trendy young professionals to go away.

Oh shit, Trump taking this seriously

DONALD Trump’s announcement that he will leave his businesses for the presidency has left humanity terrified he is taking the job seriously.

34-year-old furious his mother hasn’t bought him an advent calendar

A 34-YEAR-OLD man is outraged that his mother has not bought him an advent calendar for the first year ever.

Woman actually didn’t get text

FOR the first time in recorded history, the excuse of not having received a text message has proved to be genuine.

RBS ordered to let someone else destroy the economy this time

THE Royal Bank of Scotland has been told to stop being selfish and let another bank have a turn at ruining the UK economy.

'Alt-right' keyboard shortcut makes burning cross appear

PRESSING ‘alt-right’ on a computer keyboard makes a picture of a burning cross appear, it has emerged.