News

15,000 horny morons at risk from virus

THOUSANDS of randy, stupid computer owners are at risk from a virus attached to obviously fraudulent emails.

SNP fury as Met Office claims Scottish weather not very nice

SCOTTISH nationalists have reacted with fury after a Met Office study found the country’s weather was really quite unpleasant.

Army to weaponise food allergies

THE army has developed new weapons exploiting the food intolerances of enemy soldiers.

Boss thinks it's probably time to bollock everyone

SENIOR manager Tom Booker is going to shout at his team because he feels obliged to bollock them regularly.

Punk not as important as former punk thinks

PUNK was far less important than ex-punk Tom Logan likes to think, it has emerged.

Telly idiots being treated like tribal elders

SOCIETY is at a point where presenters of light entertainment television are regarded as wise sages.

Pervasive stench of rice cakes means someone's on a diet

THE sickening odour of rice cakes drifting across the country has prompted a nationwide search for a person on a diet.

Spain to get exciting new monarch unlike some people

SPAIN is to get a coronation and some new stamps and post boxes, unlike some other countries with old monarchs.