News

People being scared of your dog not the same as them respecting you

OWNING a large muscular dog does not make you a well-respected community figure, it has been confirmed.

We charge diesel drivers extra because they’re dirty bastards, say oil companies

DIESEL costs more than petrol as punishment for diesel motorists’ uncleanliness, oil companies have admitted.

Knowing about San Diego Comic-Con now somehow acceptable

FOLLOWING the latest news from the San Diego Comic-Con is now a normal part of life, it has emerged.

Tree surgeons taking all the women

MANLY but sensitive tree surgeons are making too many women fall in love with them, it has been claimed.

Man has no career aspirations

RETAIL worker Stephen Malley has no desire to do a job other than the one he is already doing.

Ghostly English teachers insisting adults read Go Set A Watchman

LONG-DEAD English teachers are appearing to their terrified former pupils to make them read the To Kill A Mockingbird sequel.

Han Solo origin film tells story of Star Wars

THE new Han Solo origin movie will tell the story of how he rescued Princess Leia from the Death Star before helping her brother destroy it.

Foxes regret voting Tory

FOXES who voted Conservative were not expecting the government to start killing them again.