ELDERLY men have warned the public not to try making friends with them.
A TRAFFIC island which was the UK's last piece of infrastructure has been sold to the private sector.
WORKERS over 45 are to be given daily breaks to lose themselves in vivid recollections of the past.
RETIRED people allowed to dip into their pension pots have blown the lot on porcelain figurines.
YOUR behaviour when you are drunk represents your true personality, scientists have confirmed.
GHOSTS are a load of bollocks, it has been confirmed.
PLAYING loud music on public transport is not a legitimate way of fighting the system, it has emerged.
NOBODY at Heathrow looks fit and well, according to doctors screening for Ebola.