Nobody in meeting has f**king clue what it's about

WORKERS are bullshitting their way through an apparently important meeting despite having no idea what it is about.

Parents helping children get on property twat ladder

A COUPLE are helping their children become annoying property-obsessed twats just like themselves, they have revealed.

'I can't possibly pay more tax', says man with Range Rover and Koi carp pond

A MAN with a large 4x4 and a Koi carp pond in his garden has insisted that paying a penny more in tax will cripple him.

Grown man still telling people what he wants to do when he grows up

A 37- YEAR-OLD man with a mortgage and a child on the way is still telling people what he wants to do when he grows up.

Man can't believe woman behind till isn't uncontrollably attracted to him

SHOP assistants who are friendly are just doing their jobs and do not desperately fancy their customers, men have been told.

Jobseekers to face sanctions if they don't appear in Channel 5 documentaries 

PEOPLE claiming benefits are to face sanctions if they do not appear in a Channel 5 documentary about unemployed people.

Today is the perfect day to crap on the carpet, decides dog

A NEW carpet has given a family dog a fresh sense of purpose in life, it has emerged.

Reluctant locals forced to participate in cheese rolling

UNWILLING Gloucestershire residents have been made to chase a wheel of cheese down a hill by Londoners wanting to see authentic rural life.